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Thoughts and other writings by Clare Conroy

Head & Heart – July 2015

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Head & Heart is designed to be “a monthly capture of my feelings and doings, in the raw.” 

What I’ve been doing

  • Finally getting around to doing/finishing my Cert IV in Training & Assessment (thanks to work supporting/sponsoring my participation on a course).
  • Meditating. After last month’s thoughts on why I don’t meditate more, this month I’ve committed to doing it and it’s feeling great! Key things that are helping me integrate it into my day and start to develop a semi-regular practice – the Calm app (I completed the free 7 days of calm course and have now signed up for an annual subscription), and making time (it only takes 10 minutes) to meditate earlier in the evening rather than waiting until all my to-dos are done (which of course they never are)!
  • Exercising. Another thing that I’ve prioritised this month is getting out for some regular exercise. I’ve realised that no-one is going to magically create time for me to exercise, so I need to carve it out. I haven’t been walking far or fast, but regularly getting out a few times a week for 30 mins is better than what I was managing before. Jason and I have also started a block of personal training sessions with Simon Le. Jason and I used to do training together many years ago, and I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed that. We managed to find a little window of time on our lunch break one day a week when Ella is in daycare, so we’ve decided that doing PT will be our weekly ‘date’. We’ll invest the $$ we might otherwise occasionally spend on dinner and babysitter on getting physically (and mentally) healthier together.
  • Practice recording for the Women Talk Work podcast. I’m still way behind where I hoped I’d be, but this month I’ve been doing a bit of practice recording/editing, just playing around with microphone technique and the basics of recording and editing in GarageBand.
Ella turns 2!
Ella turns 2!

I’m grateful for

  • The wonderful people in our life that love and care for Ella. She turned 2 this month and her birthday (and the gifts and cards that she received) was a lovely reminder of all the great people in her/our life.

I’ve been thinking about

  • Being my best me. More specifically, I’ve been thinking about how I can flip my thinking to stop focusing on the ways in which Ella/being a parent prevents me from being my ‘best me’ – like finding it difficult to get time to exercise, getting enough sleep, spending quality time with friends etc – and instead focus on how I can be the ‘best me’ in the moment, whatever and whenever that moment is (including at 2am with a sleepless toddler). I’ve also being trying to think about all the benefits I do get from being a parent (rather than the things I’ve ‘lost’) – like learning patience, creativity, thinking on my feet, being less self-conscious etc.
  • My addiction to sugar. I’m becoming increasingly aware of the ways my body reacts to sugar – particularly in my skin, and also my sinuses (that might sound weird and maybe it’s just a coincidence, I haven’t investigated the link properly) – but yet I still consume more than I’d like to and struggle to cut back/eliminate despite knowing that it would most likely make me feel much better.

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Head & Heart – June 2015

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Head & Heart is designed to be “a monthly capture of my feelings and doings, in the raw.” 

What I’ve been doing

  • I mentioned it briefly in last month’s post, but this month started with a trip to Adelaide to do a Executive Certificate in Event Management.
  • I’m also super excited to have commenced in a permanent part-time position at YWCA Canberra as the newly created Leadership Programs Manager. I’ll be managing and trying to grow the range of great women’s leadership development initiatives under the SheLeads brand.
  • A message from one of my aunties via Ancestry.com got me interested in delving into more details of my family tree. I tend to do my family tree research in bursts – mainly because I only want to pay for Ancestry.com premium access for a month at a time and try to get maximum value out of it! In this recent round of research I discovered a few new interesting facts… My 2nd great-grandfather, Robert McDonald, was the keeper of the Gladstone Gaol in South Australia for over 20 years in the early 1900s. My 3rd great-grandfather, John Tortoise, built and was the first publican of the Western Hotel in Port Augusta.
Sunny Canberra winter days
Sunny Canberra winter days

I’m grateful for

  • Sunny Canberra winter days. Even when it’s freezing outside, being able to see the sun is such a delight.
  • My brother Neale coming to stay at short notice to help me out with caring for E while J was away for a couple of weeks.

I’ve been thinking about

  • Meditation, and why I don’t do it! Reading 10% Happier (see below) really highlighted so many of the benefits of meditation (many of which I was aware of) and I can see how a regular meditation practice would be a valuable thing to do. But for whatever reason, I’ve never been able to get into the habit of meditating regularly – perhaps it’s the difficultly in finding a time/space where I know I won’t be interrupted for 5 minutes, or the belief that I need to finish all of the other things on my to-do list first before I can sit down and take a few minutes for myself.
  •  June marked one full year of using You Need a Budget (YNAB) – the longest period that I’ve ever stuck with any kind of expenditure tracking/budget program – so I’ve been thinking about the impact that it has had. I won’t delve too deeply into money stuff (and all my associated money hang-ups) here, but while I can’t credit YNAB with magically transforming our spending habits or financial position, it’s helped me to get my ‘head out of the sand’ and as a result feel more in control and less anxious about where our money is going and ensuring that all our major commitments will be met.

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Feminartsy Story Share: Impostor

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I was invited to share a story about ‘motherhood’ as part of the most recent Feminartsy story share. Having never been to a story share before I had no idea what to expect but enjoyed the process of having to clarify and articulate some of my muddled thoughts about my mothering experience so far. If you’re interested, here’s a transcript of my talk…

Photo credit: Feminartsy
Photo credit: Feminartsy

When I was 13 I got a C- for a high school art assignment. As a pretty much straight-A student from a family that put a high value on academic achievement, this came as a bit of a shock and disappointment. That it was for a self-portrait just added a further dent to my delicate teenage self confidence. In art class I didn’t know what I had to do to get an A, and even if I did, I didn’t feel capable of doing it. From that point on I declared myself unartistic, and decided to focus, at least academically, on maths and the sciences. Subjects where there was a right answer, and that I knew that if I could figure out what answer was I would achieve ‘success’.

Soon after I became a mum I again found myself longing for a right answer. I wanted a text book with formulas that if applied correctly would produce the right result. Clear KPIs and logical processes for achieving them. In those early days of life as a new mum, it was a huge shock to find that this little human didn’t come with a manual. I desperately trawled forums and books looking for the products, processes and techniques that I could use to produce a guaranteed, consistent, correct result.  [Read more…]