Webby Clare

Thoughts and other writings by Clare Conroy

Head & Heart – 12 July 2017

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Progress shots from the 30 Day Minimalism Game

Last week my big baby turned 4 so we’ve been enjoying ongoing festivities as we celebrate with family and friends. Each birthday feels like a massive milestone for me as a parent and a real opportunity for reflecting on how our lives have changed and what I’ve learned. Motherhood has transformed me in many many many ways – some which I’m very aware of, and some that I’m sure I’m yet to realise!

Just over 4 years ago I attended antenatal classes with a wonderful group of women and their partners. Their friendship and support has been so essential to me as I’ve navigated my way through the uncertainty and challenges of parenthood, and there has honestly not been a week that’s gone by in the last 4 years when I haven’t felt enormous gratitude for having them in my life. I love that Ella has such wonderful ‘aunties’ who have watched her grow up and genuinely care for her, and it’s such a delight for me to do the same for a great bunch of gorgeous kids.

Last week also marked 50 days since our little man arrived. What a ride! He isn’t so keen on napping during the day (but is doing well overnight (and a billion times better than his big sister did) so I definitely won’t complain!) so I’m doing lots of baby-wearing again. When it’s too cold/dark to venture out we’re doing lots of dancing around the house. Thank goodness for Spotify’s Disco Forever playlist. Dancing seems to put him to sleep and calms me down too. Right now we’re bopping to the Have a Great Day playlist. If dancing to Bill Withers’ Lovely Day doesn’t brighten your day a little, I’m not sure what will!
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Head and Heart – 21 August 2016

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I didn’t post last weekend, so this is almost two weeks worth of thinking, reading, listening and watching….

A recent conflict prompted me to reflect and write about the pebble and the pond.

As a parent of a young child, sleep is still an irrational obsession of mine. Karen Hitchcock has a great piece in The Monthly on ‘precious sleep’. Somewhat related, I also enjoyed this post on why we need more time and less clothes. This Brain Pickings post on the psychology of your future self and how your present illusions hinder your future happiness had my brain whirring for hours afterwards.

Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite
Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite

I randomly picked up Paul Arden’s Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite* off the bookshelf one evening last week. I love the simplicity and how it shifts my perspective. This sentence particularly struck me “The problem with making sensible decisions is that so is everyone else.” It reminds me of one of my favourite Seth Godin quotes (from Linchpin* I think) “You can fit in or stand out. Not both.”

Coordinating a workshop on emotional intelligence and communication with a new facilitator provided the opportunity for new learning about people styles and the Johari window.

I watched the Tony Robbins’ documentary ‘I Am Not Your Guru’ on Netflix. It was super interesting to see what a Tony Robbins event is like and the way in which he is very skilled at reading and connecting with people. I just wish it had more ‘behind the scenes’ to explore what really drives Tony and his team.

Every year Timehop reminds me of Ben Pieratt’s great post – ‘In Praise of Quitting Your Job‘ – and it’s so worth revisiting annually. So much of what he says about the challenges of creative work and motivation resonate with me and it makes me feel like some of the struggles I have with my work aren’t unique. [Note to any of my colleagues reading this post, I’m not actually seriously contemplating quitting my job right now!]

Another worthwhile read was this post on why you should stop spending so much time in your head. My internal monologue has felt louder and more incessant than usual lately, so this was a good reminder!

Habit tracking (sleep, meditation, active minutes) has been ok this fortnight but has fallen off a little toward the end of the week. I’ve been re-evaluating the important of these habits (and the process of tracking and reporting on them) this week and will post an update in the next Head & Heart.

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Head & Heart – 31 July 2016

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We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.

This week I finished Man’s Search for Meaning. I’m not sure quite what to say about it (am still making sense of it all), except that it was very good for getting some new perspective on issues and anxieties in my life. I especially like the re-framing of the quest for meaning (see above).

Listening to The Rosie Project has made me realise how nice it is to read fiction, and I think fiction audiobooks work well for me. They provide a bit of an escape and I don’t need to take notes/make highlights in the way that I do with non-fiction books. This week I started Helen Garner’s The Spare Room (borrowed from the public library via the BorrowBox app).

This piece on how one mum used advice from Adam Grant’s Originals to start conversations with her kids about values was great. Ella is just getting into Star Wars at the moment, so the dialogue depicted in the comics also made me laugh out loud.

It’s a couple of years old, but I came across Nick Crocker’s list of 30 things he’d learned which resonated strongly with me. Many of these things (particularly 3, 16 and 19) I’ve also found myself thinking about regularly. Others were good reminders/prompts – especially number 5 (‘most people never ask for what they want’).

I enjoyed listening to Cal Newport talk about his book, ‘Deep Work’ on the Accidental Creative podcast. Cal argues that deep work is a skill (not a habit, ie. it needs to be consciously developed) that is becoming more and more rare, but increasingly valuable (“focus is the new IQ”). Lately I’ve been thinking about how I better balance the creative and the administrative parts of my work and how I can make the best impact in my job. ‘Deep Work‘ has been bumped up toward the top of my ‘to read’ list.

Timehop reminded me of this article (and the photo that accompanied the story in the print edition of the SMH) about a group of Israeli women who smuggled some Palestinian women to the beach for the day because they’d never had the opportunity to see the sea. I love so much about this story and what it says about the beauty and power of women supporting other women. The joy and love and support that the photo shows brings a smile to my face and makes me feel a little bit more hopeful about the future of humanity.

Habit tracking 25/7-31/7
Habit tracking 25/7-31/7

A better week in terms of habits, including a week-long streak of going to bed before 10.30pm. I thought I would have amazing energy levels (I don’t) and be super productive (I’m not). I suspect more sleep would help, but 10.30pm really is the latest I should be going to bed to give myself the best chance of getting 6.5 hours of sleep per night. Even though I have lots of things I want to do (both work and personal) after Ella goes to bed each evening, I suspect that I’ll get a similar result by going to bed as I would by pushing on into the late evening (related: I’ve been thinking about Derek Sivers’ bike riding story and how this applies to my current workload/stress levels). And somewhat ironically, I’m writing about the importance of going to bed at 10.30pm at 11.02pm, so I’ll wrap up for the week….

Head & Heart – 17 July 2016

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Sticking to my commitment of posting a quick weekly summary of what I’ve been doing/reading/thinking about…

  • I started reading How To Talk To Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. I’m not going to read this in one sitting, rather just read a few of the tips per week and try to find opportunities to practice them. This week I tried (when I remembered) to practice ‘Sticky Eyes’.
  • Prompted by Leigh Sales’ recommendation on Chat 10 Looks 3, I also started reading Man’s Search For Meaning. I suspect this will be a very thought-provoking read that I’ll need some time and space to reflect on.
  • Also inspired by another part of the discussion on Chat 10 Looks 3, I’ve been thinking about ego depletion (the idea that you have a limited amount of mental resources that can be used up). Of the three regular habits that I track and know are important for my physical and mental well being (meditation, sleep and active minutes) I feel that sleep is the most essential. When I’m fatigued I definitely suffer ‘ego depletion’ and make poor choices – particularly around the food that I eat. When I do feel rested I am more positive and more likely to make good choices and make the time to engage in the other key habits (meditation and exercise).
    • Habit tracking 11/7-17/7
    Habit tracking 11/7-17/7
  • On the topic of habits, I did slightly better this week with 11/27 habits achieved. Going to make bed before 10.30 the focus for next week which is going to be tricky. I’m starting full-time work and will be working 8-10 hours a week flexibly in the evenings. With a kid that usually doesn’t sleep before 8.00pm, I suspect that some late nights might be required, but I’m conscious that comes with a trade off in terms of mental wellbeing and focus.
  • I listened to Sarah Ferguson on No Filter where she discussed her book, The Killing Season Uncut. I loved the book and it prompted many reflections and insights about leadership, communication and human behaviours (which I’ll capture in a blog post one day!).
  • I put in place some improved organisation (particularly around my work schedule). I’ve been trialling the Self Journal approach. I’m not convinced that the entire thing is for me, but scheduling out your day in advance (with no blank spots) does definitely help with productivity as it eliminated the ‘what should I do know?’ decision fatigue and means that the priority activities are a focus. I also tidied my work desk and got to ‘inbox zero’ which have made me feel (possibly only temporarily) more in control and organised.
  • A bitterly cold windy week (with snow on Wednesday) ended up with a lovely sunny weekend. Having the weather extremes back to back did make me notice how much my mental health and weather/sunshine are connected.