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Head & Heart – 12 July 2017

July 12, 2017 By Clare Leave a Comment

Progress shots from the 30 Day Minimalism Game

Last week my big baby turned 4 so we’ve been enjoying ongoing festivities as we celebrate with family and friends. Each birthday feels like a massive milestone for me as a parent and a real opportunity for reflecting on how our lives have changed and what I’ve learned. Motherhood has transformed me in many many many ways – some which I’m very aware of, and some that I’m sure I’m yet to realise!

Just over 4 years ago I attended antenatal classes with a wonderful group of women and their partners. Their friendship and support has been so essential to me as I’ve navigated my way through the uncertainty and challenges of parenthood, and there has honestly not been a week that’s gone by in the last 4 years when I haven’t felt enormous gratitude for having them in my life. I love that Ella has such wonderful ‘aunties’ who have watched her grow up and genuinely care for her, and it’s such a delight for me to do the same for a great bunch of gorgeous kids.


Last week also marked 50 days since our little man arrived. What a ride! He isn’t so keen on napping during the day (but is doing well overnight (and a billion times better than his big sister did) so I definitely won’t complain!) so I’m doing lots of baby-wearing again. When it’s too cold/dark to venture out we’re doing lots of dancing around the house. Thank goodness for Spotify’s Disco Forever playlist. Dancing seems to put him to sleep and calms me down too. Right now we’re bopping to the Have a Great Day playlist. If dancing to Bill Withers’ Lovely Day doesn’t brighten your day a little, I’m not sure what will!
[Read more…]

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: birthday, books, gifts, girls, minimalism, parenting, podcasts, poetry, sleep

Contradictions

June 23, 2017 By Clare Leave a Comment

Life with a newborn feels frantic and slow.
I’m challenged everyday, and I’m bored.
I’m never alone, and I’m lonely.
I feel a super human physical strength, and I’m bone-shatteringly exhausted.
I’m full of self doubt, and I trust that I’m good enough.
I am drawn to him, and I desperately want some space.
I want to fast forward through these bits to a time when he’s older (easier?), and I weep when I think that he’ll never be 5 weeks old again.

Filed Under: Journal Tagged With: newborn, parenting

Good Enough?

June 20, 2017 By Clare Leave a Comment

Sometimes I wish that
I was a better mother
Am I good enough?

Filed Under: Daily Haikus, Poetry Tagged With: motherhood, parenting

Good Advice

June 19, 2017 By Clare Leave a Comment

For the first 12 weeks
Just keep your baby alive
And try to stay sane

Filed Under: Daily Haikus, Poetry Tagged With: parenting

Vomit

June 17, 2017 By Clare Leave a Comment

Cleaning up vomit
Makes me feel like a real mum
All part of the job

Filed Under: Daily Haikus, Poetry Tagged With: parenting, poem

Sticky Wisdom – Martyrs & Creators 

October 30, 2015 By Clare Leave a Comment

Some recent #stickywisdom inspired by Mia Freedman’s chat with Elizabeth Gilbert on the No Filter podcast. The discussion was about how many women assign a lower priority to their creative work once they become a mum, and the importance of role modelling creativity for children.

Filed Under: Sticky Wisdom Tagged With: creativity, NoFilter, parenting, podcast

Reflections on Life, Love and Parenting – 2 years on

October 11, 2015 By Clare 2 Comments

TimehopA couple of months ago Timehop reminded me of a post I’d written exactly 2 years prior – 50 Days with a Newborn: Reflections on Life, Love and Parenting. All of those 10 lessons that I captured then remain relevant 2 years in, but also I’ve learned so so so much more. In addition to the many practical lessons I’ve learned about the ins and outs of living with a little human (ie. always pack more wipes and snacks than you think you’ll need), these are 7 further life lessons that I’ve learned so far!

  1. There are a million ways I could f-up / am f-ing up my kid. It’s better to focus instead on the million ways to be a great parent. I would go insane if I spent too much thinking about all the little things I’ve done ‘wrong’ and stressing about how many of the small choices I’ve made will mess up my kid. So instead I try to focus on all the little things that I can do to create a great relationship with my daughter – the smiles, the stories, the cuddles, the encouraging words – and hope that these outweigh the inevitable little f-ups along the way.
  2. It doesn’t get easier, but you get better (I read that somewhere, so can’t take the credit for it, but I totally agree). Parenting feels kind of like a computer game. Each time you feel like you kind of know what you’re doing, it’s time to ‘level up’ and move onto a new challenge. But you do learn skills along the way that you can apply in the next level.
  3. Be the person you want your kid to be. Pretty much bang on E’s first birthday my parenting anxiety shifted from ‘how do I keep this kid alive?’ to ‘how do I make sure this kid grows up to be a decent human?’. I spent some time browsing through various parenting books on Amazon desperate to get some kind of guidance on how to teach qualities like respect and kindness, but quickly realised that the best way to teach her this is to be respectful and kind myself. Knowing that a little person is constantly observing and learning from everything you say and do is a good motivation to try and be my best me. Not a perfect me by any stretch of the imagination, but the best me in the moment.
  4. I feel enormous compassion for my past self, so it follows that my future self will have compassion for me. If I could go back in time to those first few weeks after becoming a mum and watch myself sitting with E in the middle of the night in a darkened room, sleep-deprived, and feeling like a complete failure for my inability to get my kid to sleep, I’d wrap an arm around past-Clare’s shoulders and tell her it’ll all be ok. When ever I feel alone, confused, or simply over it, I imagine my future-self looking back on this moment and reassuring me that I’ll get through it.
  5. Don’t put off to tomorrow what you can do today. Things can change pretty quickly and it’s almost inevitable that if I *need* to get something done tomorrow, E won’t sleep, or will get sick, or we’ll have some other distraction.
  6. Start anywhere. I often have moments of looking around the house and being overwhelmed with the chaos and having no idea what to do and where to start. I’ve learned that it’s usually not worth stressing about it or spending time trying to figure out a plan of attack, it’s better just to get started.
  7. Learning to back yourself is both empowering and terrifying. When E was about 3 months old we had a stay at the QE2 Family Centre due to some feeding (and sleeping) issues we were having. I’d had advice from a GP, 2 MACH nurses, a lactation consultant, an Australian Breastfeeding Association counsellor, and about 8 different midwives/nurses during my stay at QE2. I was trying desperately to do everything everyone suggested (which was simply impossible given that their well-intention advice was often contradictory). On my final day at QE2, I was close to tears and ready to give up on breastfeeding and I’ll never forget what one of the midwives, Wendy, said to me. She simply asked “What do you want to do? You have all the information, now you need to decide.” This was such an important moment for me as it made me realise that I was the decision-maker. It wasn’t about doing what someone else told me, or trying to please everyone, rather it was about seeing their advice as exactly that, advice, and using it to inform my decision and actions.

And when Timehop reminds me of this post a year from now, I look forward to reflecting back and adding to the list.

Filed Under: Journal Tagged With: parenting

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