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Head & Heart – 2 May 2017

May 2, 2017 By Clare Leave a Comment

Noticing how much happiness walking in the Canberra autumn brings me (#100happydays Day 40)

Krista Tippett’s conversation with Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant on the On Being podcast prompted lots of insights. Sandberg and Adam Grant (who is one of my most favourite leadership authors/thinks) have just released ‘Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy‘, so this conversation was largely focused on the death of Sheryl Sandberg’s husband, what she learned through that experience, and some of the research on resilience and overcoming adversity that is included in the book. It was such a good conversation for getting some insight into what the experience of traumatic loss is like, and tips for how to support people who are greiving. Some key takeaways for me were: saying nothing is worse than saying the wrong thing, offer specific assistance rather than open-ended offers that place the burden of requesting help back on the person who is greiving, and the subtle but important difference between asking ‘how are you?’ and ‘how are you feeling today?’.

The emotional story that Sheryl Sandberg shared about ringing her cousin on her 50th birthday also stuck with me (“…there’s only two options: we either grow older, or we don’t”). Birthdays aren’t something that I’ve really paid much attention to (mine or others), but this story has made me think about using birthdays as a reminder to really be aware of and express gratitude for the people in my life.

The themes covered in the conversation overlapped quite a bit with this article on how to speak to someone about an unspeakable loss which popped up in my Facebook newsfeed lately, and it also reminded me of this great piece on how not to say the wrong thing.


I’ve been working my way through another #100happydays on Instagram (although have had several lapses along the way), but I do find it such a valuable practice for being present and finding happiness in small and seemingly insignificant moments. Adam Grant made a comment in the podcast that “it’s actually not the intensity of your positive experiences; it’s the frequency that really matters for how much happiness you find in life.”, and I find that the more I practice, the more frequent those positive emotions are in my own life.


“Several long-married people I know have said this exact line: “I’ve had at least three marriages. They’ve just all been with the same person.””

I thought this Modern Love article on embracing change in relationships was great.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: #100happydays, happiness, lead mama lead, listening, podcasts

Head & Heart – 2 March 2017

March 2, 2017 By Clare Leave a Comment

It’s been a long time between posts, but here are some of the things that have been rattling around in my head and heart lately….

On happiness
I recently listened to Tim Ferriss’ podcast with Mr Money Mustache (MMM). There were some really great insights on the podcast – in particular the reflection about happiness coming from reducing ‘life suck’ (ie. reducing or removing something negative in your life) rather than adding something more positive. It’s such a great question to ask before making a purchase or committing to doing something – is this thing removing a negative, or just adding a positive that I don’t really need? For example, while a new computer may make my life better in some way (faster, more storage, and upgraded OS), my life really doesn’t suck at all with the completely functional computer that I already own. The other excellent insight was about ‘optimising your life for happiness’. Often I choose to do things or buy things that I think will make me happier (or that society (or clever marketing) tells me will make me happier), without really critically reflecting on whether they do or not. Further, I know that there are certain things that I know make me happier (like bushwalking and simply being in nature), that I don’t make enough of a priority in my life. This prompted me to start a Mindnode with branches for things I know make me happier (stuff I should be optimising my life for), things I think would make me happier (and should create experiments to test and reflect) and things that definitely don’t make me happy (that I should seek to optimise me life to reduce/remove).

After the podcast, I spent a bit of time exploring the MMM blog and this blog post, ‘Happiness is the Only Logical Pursuit’, really resonated with me – particularly the part about consumption often being driven by a desire for self-actualisation, which then undermines a more basic need for financial security which leads to feelings of unease/unhappiness.

On anger
In another recent podcast, Krista Tippett and Tim Ferriss spoke about anger really being just how pain or fear manifests in public. This insight prompted me to reflect on how I can best respond when people I love are expressing anger. If their anger is really pain/fear, then me pointing out the anger and why and how it’s hurting me is really like throwing fuel on the flame – it’s just likely to cause more pain or fear. So, in the moment, it is really helpful for me to try to look behind the facade of anger and try and see what else might be going on.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, habits, krista tippett, lead mama lead, podcasts, tim ferriss

Head & Heart – 8 December 2016

December 8, 2016 By Clare 1 Comment

It’s been over 3 months between Head & Heart posts! The short story (excuse?) is that work and life got on top of me, and I was questioning/doubting the impact that some of the regular habits/practices (including these posts) were having on my life. There’s been a fair bit of change over the last 3 months – including resigning from my job to take a break, revaluate priorities, and recalibrate a little – and I’m certainly not going to even attempt to catch up on 3 months worth of thinking/learning/reading/listening in this post!

As well as determining that writing (and later re-reading) these posts is in fact a valuable practice for me, it turns out that there a few people who actually read these posts and find them useful or interesting, so it’s definitely something that I intend to get back to doing more regularly.


Pausing for a moment to ponder why I give spending time in front of screens such priority in my life, when this is what actually makes my body, spirit and mind come alive.
Pausing for a moment to ponder why I give spending time in front of screens such priority in my life, when this is what actually makes my body, spirit and mind come alive.

Related to the above comment about resigning and recalibrating, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reading about burnout. Articles/resources that particularly resonated with me included:

  • Burnout Prevention and Recovery – this page had a useful table explaining the differences between stress and burnout that generated an a-ha moment for me
  • The Strange Psychology of Stress and Burnout 
  • The Five Myths that Perpetuate Burnout Across Non-Profits

Since I last posted, I’ve finished a few books (and started and abandoned quite a few more):

  • Deep Work*
  • Unconditional Parenting* (like most parenting books, this one caused me some initial ‘oh my god, I’m doing it all wrong’ anxiety, but with some time to let the thoughts settle I’ve taken some strategies/approaches from the book that I think will work for us, and am ok about leaving the rest! One of the things that I’m consciously trying to do is give E more opportunities to exercise control (trying to say ‘no’ less – especially where it doesn’t really matter) and really listen to her without rushing or interrupting.
  • All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood* (for a summary of some of the key insights from the book, check out Jennifer Senior’s TED talk)
  • Designing Your Life*

Some posts that I thought were worth bookmarking/sharing:

  • Why I Am Not A Maker– My professional work has largely focused on facilitating and supporting others’ ‘making’, so I found this post relevant and reassuring
  • Why I’m Done Asking My Husband To Help Me Out – This is an older post that I was reminded of thanks to Timehop. It’s a good one for demonstrating the subtle but powerful impact that language has on expectations and behaviour.
  • How Exercise Shapes You Far Beyond the Gym
  • In praise of ‘scruffy hospitality’
  • Why the Problem with Learning is Unlearning

I’m super late to the party (in fact I think the party is well and truly over), but I finally watched Making a Murderer. It’s a bit of a joke in my family about how I can’t handle mistaken identity/wrongful conviction movies – I find them so distressing that I feel physically uncomfortable (watching The Fugitive practically causes a panic attack!) – so I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with this. I’ve read some of the criticism online about the potential bias of the filmmakers in selecting what to show in the documentary, but regardless, I do think it raises really important issues around the level of unquestioned trust and confidence society places in law enforcement agencies, and the significant disadvantage that poor and less educated people have when it comes to navigating the legal system. Alec Baldwin’s Here’s The Thing interview with defence lawyer Dean Strang is worth a listen for anyone who watched the series.


As for podcasts, Longform and Hidden Brain (a recent discovery) episodes have featured heavily on my playlist. I also enjoyed Carly Findlay’s interview on the Osher Gunsberg podcast. Carly is awesome and I’ve been lucky enough to work with her on a couple of She Leads events, and I think it was actually through Carly’s blog that I first discovered Osher’s podcast.


This post, ‘How getting rid of ‘stuff’ saved my motherhood’, has re-inspired me to cull our own stuff, maintain a more organised, simple home and be more conscious about what we keep and let in to our space. It’s probably a subject for a separate, longer post but since E came into our lives we’ve experienced new demands/constraints on our finances, time and space – which has forced us to be more intentional about how we use our resources in all of these areas. I’ve still got a long way to go, but so far I’ve used some of my current period of unemployment to cull and tidy a few of our main living spaces/storage areas and I feel lighter and less overwhelmed as a result. Now the challenge is to maintain relatively organised spaces and avoid letting clutter back in. Rather than get caught in this cycle of tidying up / mess / tidying up / mess etc I’m trying to take more of a design thinking approach and really study why and how our spaces get cluttered and messy and try to put in place solutions to resolve these (rather than just dealing with the symptoms).

Toys and trinkets that E collects feel like a big source of the clutter in our home, so Christmas (as well as birthdays) can often see a new influx of stuff into our home thanks to extremely generous family! The Minimalists recent podcast episode on giftgiving had some useful ideas for a more intentional approach to giftgiving.


Head & Heart are approximately fortnightly posts about what I’ve been reading, watching and thinking about – things I thought were interesting, and that you might find interesting too.

* These are Amazon Affiliate links.

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, minimalism, podcasts

Head & Heart – 7 August 2016

August 10, 2016 By Clare Leave a Comment

Head & Heart is a (now) weekly, quick and rough wrap-up of what I’ve been thinking about, listening to, reading etc. A few days late, but here’s my post from last week…


I started the week with a meeting with my lovely friend Amanda Horne. Amanda often speaks about words that emerge for her at a particular time. Kind of like themes that connect a whole heap of thinking, feeling and happenings. It’s not so much about picking a word to think about or meditate on, but rather stopping and listening and seeing which word bubbles to the surface. This week, for me it was the word ‘ask’ (prompted in part I suspect by #5 in Nick Crocker’s list of ’30 Things I’ve Learned’ that I linked to last week). I’m trying to be more aware of what I actually want (without dismissing it without it really entering conscious thought), and putting that out into the world.


I finished Helen Garner’s The Spare Room (audiobook) and am now onto Liane Moriaty’s The Husband’s Secret. Three novels in just over a month! I wouldn’t quite call it a rule, but up until recently I’d just tell people ‘I don’t read fiction’. It’s not that I didn’t like fiction, I just had so much that I wanted to learn that I didn’t think I had time to read fiction. I saw reading fiction as purely recreational and not as valuable use of time as reading non-fiction. But fiction works my brain in a different way. I’m so used to information being presented to me in a factual, logical way, it’s nice to experience narrative storytelling where information is presented in a way to generate an emotional response from the listener. I’m not sure quite what I’m learning, but I’m sure that it’s using different parts of my brain which must be a good thing.


But I still had time to get my dose of non fiction podcasts, listening to a Dear Sugar Radio episode on introversion and extroversion, an interview with Kathryn Schultz on Longform, and Jane Caro’s chat with Wil Anderson on Wilosophy.


Time alone in the car is rare for me, but when it happens I usually do is listen to Radio National. I really love being surprised by the stories. I curate my inputs so heavily and I often feel like it’s a bit of an echo chamber – the stuff I seek out – books, podcasts etc – is often people whose views I know and share, or on topics that I have an established interest in. It’s nice not to know what’s coming up and to learn something new. This week I learned that one third of customers steal when using self serve checkouts, and about Reposit Power, a Canberra company that makes smart batteries.


I’ve started a new Coursera course on Psychology at Work (from the University of Western Australia) which I’m enjoying so far. I’ve long had an interest in doing some further study – particularly in organisational psychology, management/leadership. Having no psychology training, this is a good way to tip my toe in and see if it is actually something I enjoy, rather than just something that I think I’ll enjoy.


Habit tracking 1/8-7/8. Notice the 'Jac effect'!
Habit tracking 1/8-7/8. Notice the ‘Jac effect’!

I stumbled across (via Shawn Achor) the delightful Seize Your Moments project.


What started off as a very poor week in terms of habits, turned around from Friday onwards. Things bottomed out a bit of Thursday (and involved more tears than I normally would like!), but sometimes it takes things to crack a bit before you actually pay attention and do something about it. Reflecting with my friend Jac over dinner on Thursday led me to the conclusion that nothing (except physically attending to my daughter’s immediate needs) is more important than my three key habits (30 active minutes, 5+ minutes of meditation and bed before 10.30pm). As a result, things have turned around considerably and I’m still on streaks for all three habits (I’ll call this the ‘Jac effect’).

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, habits, podcasts

Head & Heart – 17 July 2016

July 18, 2016 By Clare Leave a Comment

Sticking to my commitment of posting a quick weekly summary of what I’ve been doing/reading/thinking about…

  • I started reading How To Talk To Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. I’m not going to read this in one sitting, rather just read a few of the tips per week and try to find opportunities to practice them. This week I tried (when I remembered) to practice ‘Sticky Eyes’.
  • Prompted by Leigh Sales’ recommendation on Chat 10 Looks 3, I also started reading Man’s Search For Meaning. I suspect this will be a very thought-provoking read that I’ll need some time and space to reflect on.
  • Also inspired by another part of the discussion on Chat 10 Looks 3, I’ve been thinking about ego depletion (the idea that you have a limited amount of mental resources that can be used up). Of the three regular habits that I track and know are important for my physical and mental well being (meditation, sleep and active minutes) I feel that sleep is the most essential. When I’m fatigued I definitely suffer ‘ego depletion’ and make poor choices – particularly around the food that I eat. When I do feel rested I am more positive and more likely to make good choices and make the time to engage in the other key habits (meditation and exercise).
  • Habit tracking 11/7-17/7
    Habit tracking 11/7-17/7
  • On the topic of habits, I did slightly better this week with 11/27 habits achieved. Going to make bed before 10.30 the focus for next week which is going to be tricky. I’m starting full-time work and will be working 8-10 hours a week flexibly in the evenings. With a kid that usually doesn’t sleep before 8.00pm, I suspect that some late nights might be required, but I’m conscious that comes with a trade off in terms of mental wellbeing and focus.
  • I listened to Sarah Ferguson on No Filter where she discussed her book, The Killing Season Uncut. I loved the book and it prompted many reflections and insights about leadership, communication and human behaviours (which I’ll capture in a blog post one day!).
  • I put in place some improved organisation (particularly around my work schedule). I’ve been trialling the Self Journal approach. I’m not convinced that the entire thing is for me, but scheduling out your day in advance (with no blank spots) does definitely help with productivity as it eliminated the ‘what should I do know?’ decision fatigue and means that the priority activities are a focus. I also tidied my work desk and got to ‘inbox zero’ which have made me feel (possibly only temporarily) more in control and organised.
  • A bitterly cold windy week (with snow on Wednesday) ended up with a lovely sunny weekend. Having the weather extremes back to back did make me notice how much my mental health and weather/sunshine are connected.

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, habits, podcasts, sleep

Head & Heart – February – April 2016

May 6, 2016 By Clare Leave a Comment

Writing these posts is something that I’ve thought about often, but haven’t prioritised time to do over the last 3 months, so I’m playing catch-up with this Head & Heart post…

What I’ve been doing

  • Facilitating a workshop at the For Purpose Summer School on producing engaging events.
  • Starting, and then not getting very far with, the 8 week I Quit Sugar program. One of my main motivations for signing up was to help with meal planning and to add some more variety to the meals I eat, so instead of looking at it as a failure, I’ll focus on the success in trying some new dishes (including the Paleo Veggie Bread which is now a regular staple in our house).
  • Walking the 25km event in the CBR 100.
    View from the CBR100 trail!
    View from the CBR100 trail!

    This was tough, but I was really pleased to have done it. The walk itself and the longer walks I did in the months prior to prepare have really reignited my love of bushwalking and made me realise how important walking in nature is for my mental health.

  • I headed up to Sydney to go to All About Women which was worthwhile. I went to the panel session on What Needs To Change and Anne-Marie Slaughter’s talk. Next year I’ll try to attend more sessions and select sessions featuring women/topics that I haven’t heard before or that I wouldn’t normally select.
  • Jason and I had a belated 5-year anniversary getaway to Paperbark Camp at Jervis Bay – amazing!
  • My brother Neale and I have received a small grant from Screen ACT to develop a treatment for a feature film, ‘Fyshwick’, which tells the story of how Canberra became the porn capital of the country in the late 80s/early 90s and some of the characters behind the industry. So over the last few months I’ve been learning lots about the history of Australian porn and film censorship and the people involved in the Canberra porn industry circa 1985-1995!
  • Trying to figure out Snapchat – I’m clareaconroy if you want to connect!

I’m grateful for

I try to practice gratitude on a daily basis, so often these things feel insignificant when I try to aggregate my gratitude for the month, but some of the things I’ve been grateful for are:

  • Having two new staff join the YWCA Canberra She Leads team. I like working with and managing a team and there’s no way that I would have been able to deliver on the program initiatives by myself, so I’m grateful for the extra support and excited about what we have and can continue to achieve together.
  • My brother Neale coming to stay for 2 weeks while Jason was overseas to help with kid-wrangling! Doorstep Dinners were also a life-saver during this time!
  • An April that was full of beautiful warm sunny days (although a couple of days of rain would have been nice)

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, podcasts

Head & Heart – January 2016

February 29, 2016 By Clare Leave a Comment

Figure that I better this post up given that it’s basically an entire month late! I wrote it a couple of weeks ago but it’s just been sitting in my drafts. Not sure why I’ve been putting off pressing ‘publish’ on this one….

I’m writing this from bed, home from work, sick again. I feel like we’ve been hit by minor illnesses more than usual over the last couple of months (and I suspect that’s just comes with having a 2 year old). My default reaction is to feel miserable, frustrated at my body, stressed about all the things that I’m not doing while sick, and pissed off (‘why is this happening to me again?’). However, I’ve just finished listening to Buddhism for Parents on the Go (audiobook), so this time I’m trying to be kinder to myself and more accepting and to remember that illness and injury is going happen. While my body is feeling pain and fatigue, it’s my mind that adds the suffering. I’m still feeling pretty crappy and miserable, but it’s certainly helping me to feel less burdened by the illness.

Anyway, on to my Head & Heart post for January….

What I’ve been doing

  • Getting back into daily journalling /keeping a log book using the DayOne app
  • Building and tracking daily habits to improve my wellbeing using the Way of Life app (thanks to Kevin Rose’s recommendation on a recent episode of the Tim Ferriss podcast)
  • Released a new Women Talk Work interview with digital entrepreneur and wonderful human Mik Jade
  • Chatted about Women Talk Work with Lee Constable on her 2XXFM show/Soapbox podcast
  • Having a new year clean out/de-clutter and finally Konmari-ing our clothes
  • Supporting E to adjust to a new daycare centre (we tried one, and we’ve changed to another). She seems to be doing well and I suspect that it’s more stressful for me than for her!

I’m grateful for

A few random things I’ve found myself feeling grateful for this month:

  • Public libraries
  • Home grown spinach, tomatoes and herbs
  • Air conditioning
  • Long walks in my beautiful city

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, habits, podcasts

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