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Head & Heart – 2 March 2017

March 2, 2017 By Clare Leave a Comment

It’s been a long time between posts, but here are some of the things that have been rattling around in my head and heart lately….

On happiness
I recently listened to Tim Ferriss’ podcast with Mr Money Mustache (MMM). There were some really great insights on the podcast – in particular the reflection about happiness coming from reducing ‘life suck’ (ie. reducing or removing something negative in your life) rather than adding something more positive. It’s such a great question to ask before making a purchase or committing to doing something – is this thing removing a negative, or just adding a positive that I don’t really need? For example, while a new computer may make my life better in some way (faster, more storage, and upgraded OS), my life really doesn’t suck at all with the completely functional computer that I already own. The other excellent insight was about ‘optimising your life for happiness’. Often I choose to do things or buy things that I think will make me happier (or that society (or clever marketing) tells me will make me happier), without really critically reflecting on whether they do or not. Further, I know that there are certain things that I know make me happier (like bushwalking and simply being in nature), that I don’t make enough of a priority in my life. This prompted me to start a Mindnode with branches for things I know make me happier (stuff I should be optimising my life for), things I think would make me happier (and should create experiments to test and reflect) and things that definitely don’t make me happy (that I should seek to optimise me life to reduce/remove).

After the podcast, I spent a bit of time exploring the MMM blog and this blog post, ‘Happiness is the Only Logical Pursuit’, really resonated with me – particularly the part about consumption often being driven by a desire for self-actualisation, which then undermines a more basic need for financial security which leads to feelings of unease/unhappiness.

On anger
In another recent podcast, Krista Tippett and Tim Ferriss spoke about anger really being just how pain or fear manifests in public. This insight prompted me to reflect on how I can best respond when people I love are expressing anger. If their anger is really pain/fear, then me pointing out the anger and why and how it’s hurting me is really like throwing fuel on the flame – it’s just likely to cause more pain or fear. So, in the moment, it is really helpful for me to try to look behind the facade of anger and try and see what else might be going on.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, habits, krista tippett, lead mama lead, podcasts, tim ferriss

Head and Heart – 21 August 2016

August 21, 2016 By Clare Leave a Comment

I didn’t post last weekend, so this is almost two weeks worth of thinking, reading, listening and watching….

A recent conflict prompted me to reflect and write about the pebble and the pond.

As a parent of a young child, sleep is still an irrational obsession of mine. Karen Hitchcock has a great piece in The Monthly on ‘precious sleep’. Somewhat related, I also enjoyed this post on why we need more time and less clothes. This Brain Pickings post on the psychology of your future self and how your present illusions hinder your future happiness had my brain whirring for hours afterwards.

Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite
Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite

I randomly picked up Paul Arden’s Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite* off the bookshelf one evening last week. I love the simplicity and how it shifts my perspective. This sentence particularly struck me “The problem with making sensible decisions is that so is everyone else.” It reminds me of one of my favourite Seth Godin quotes (from Linchpin* I think) “You can fit in or stand out. Not both.”

Coordinating a workshop on emotional intelligence and communication with a new facilitator provided the opportunity for new learning about people styles and the Johari window.

I watched the Tony Robbins’ documentary ‘I Am Not Your Guru’ on Netflix. It was super interesting to see what a Tony Robbins event is like and the way in which he is very skilled at reading and connecting with people. I just wish it had more ‘behind the scenes’ to explore what really drives Tony and his team.

Every year Timehop reminds me of Ben Pieratt’s great post – ‘In Praise of Quitting Your Job‘ – and it’s so worth revisiting annually. So much of what he says about the challenges of creative work and motivation resonate with me and it makes me feel like some of the struggles I have with my work aren’t unique. [Note to any of my colleagues reading this post, I’m not actually seriously contemplating quitting my job right now!]

Another worthwhile read was this post on why you should stop spending so much time in your head. My internal monologue has felt louder and more incessant than usual lately, so this was a good reminder!

Habit tracking (sleep, meditation, active minutes) has been ok this fortnight but has fallen off a little toward the end of the week. I’ve been re-evaluating the important of these habits (and the process of tracking and reporting on them) this week and will post an update in the next Head & Heart.

* These are Amazon Affiliate links.

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, habits, sleep, tony robbins

Head & Heart – 7 August 2016

August 10, 2016 By Clare Leave a Comment

Head & Heart is a (now) weekly, quick and rough wrap-up of what I’ve been thinking about, listening to, reading etc. A few days late, but here’s my post from last week…


I started the week with a meeting with my lovely friend Amanda Horne. Amanda often speaks about words that emerge for her at a particular time. Kind of like themes that connect a whole heap of thinking, feeling and happenings. It’s not so much about picking a word to think about or meditate on, but rather stopping and listening and seeing which word bubbles to the surface. This week, for me it was the word ‘ask’ (prompted in part I suspect by #5 in Nick Crocker’s list of ’30 Things I’ve Learned’ that I linked to last week). I’m trying to be more aware of what I actually want (without dismissing it without it really entering conscious thought), and putting that out into the world.


I finished Helen Garner’s The Spare Room (audiobook) and am now onto Liane Moriaty’s The Husband’s Secret. Three novels in just over a month! I wouldn’t quite call it a rule, but up until recently I’d just tell people ‘I don’t read fiction’. It’s not that I didn’t like fiction, I just had so much that I wanted to learn that I didn’t think I had time to read fiction. I saw reading fiction as purely recreational and not as valuable use of time as reading non-fiction. But fiction works my brain in a different way. I’m so used to information being presented to me in a factual, logical way, it’s nice to experience narrative storytelling where information is presented in a way to generate an emotional response from the listener. I’m not sure quite what I’m learning, but I’m sure that it’s using different parts of my brain which must be a good thing.


But I still had time to get my dose of non fiction podcasts, listening to a Dear Sugar Radio episode on introversion and extroversion, an interview with Kathryn Schultz on Longform, and Jane Caro’s chat with Wil Anderson on Wilosophy.


Time alone in the car is rare for me, but when it happens I usually do is listen to Radio National. I really love being surprised by the stories. I curate my inputs so heavily and I often feel like it’s a bit of an echo chamber – the stuff I seek out – books, podcasts etc – is often people whose views I know and share, or on topics that I have an established interest in. It’s nice not to know what’s coming up and to learn something new. This week I learned that one third of customers steal when using self serve checkouts, and about Reposit Power, a Canberra company that makes smart batteries.


I’ve started a new Coursera course on Psychology at Work (from the University of Western Australia) which I’m enjoying so far. I’ve long had an interest in doing some further study – particularly in organisational psychology, management/leadership. Having no psychology training, this is a good way to tip my toe in and see if it is actually something I enjoy, rather than just something that I think I’ll enjoy.


Habit tracking 1/8-7/8. Notice the 'Jac effect'!
Habit tracking 1/8-7/8. Notice the ‘Jac effect’!

I stumbled across (via Shawn Achor) the delightful Seize Your Moments project.


What started off as a very poor week in terms of habits, turned around from Friday onwards. Things bottomed out a bit of Thursday (and involved more tears than I normally would like!), but sometimes it takes things to crack a bit before you actually pay attention and do something about it. Reflecting with my friend Jac over dinner on Thursday led me to the conclusion that nothing (except physically attending to my daughter’s immediate needs) is more important than my three key habits (30 active minutes, 5+ minutes of meditation and bed before 10.30pm). As a result, things have turned around considerably and I’m still on streaks for all three habits (I’ll call this the ‘Jac effect’).

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, habits, podcasts

Head & Heart – 31 July 2016

August 1, 2016 By Clare 1 Comment

We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.

This week I finished Man’s Search for Meaning. I’m not sure quite what to say about it (am still making sense of it all), except that it was very good for getting some new perspective on issues and anxieties in my life. I especially like the re-framing of the quest for meaning (see above).


Listening to The Rosie Project has made me realise how nice it is to read fiction, and I think fiction audiobooks work well for me. They provide a bit of an escape and I don’t need to take notes/make highlights in the way that I do with non-fiction books. This week I started Helen Garner’s The Spare Room (borrowed from the public library via the BorrowBox app).


This piece on how one mum used advice from Adam Grant’s Originals to start conversations with her kids about values was great. Ella is just getting into Star Wars at the moment, so the dialogue depicted in the comics also made me laugh out loud.


It’s a couple of years old, but I came across Nick Crocker’s list of 30 things he’d learned which resonated strongly with me. Many of these things (particularly 3, 16 and 19) I’ve also found myself thinking about regularly. Others were good reminders/prompts – especially number 5 (‘most people never ask for what they want’).


I enjoyed listening to Cal Newport talk about his book, ‘Deep Work’ on the Accidental Creative podcast. Cal argues that deep work is a skill (not a habit, ie. it needs to be consciously developed) that is becoming more and more rare, but increasingly valuable (“focus is the new IQ”). Lately I’ve been thinking about how I better balance the creative and the administrative parts of my work and how I can make the best impact in my job. ‘Deep Work‘ has been bumped up toward the top of my ‘to read’ list.


Timehop reminded me of this article (and the photo that accompanied the story in the print edition of the SMH) about a group of Israeli women who smuggled some Palestinian women to the beach for the day because they’d never had the opportunity to see the sea. I love so much about this story and what it says about the beauty and power of women supporting other women. The joy and love and support that the photo shows brings a smile to my face and makes me feel a little bit more hopeful about the future of humanity.


Habit tracking 25/7-31/7
Habit tracking 25/7-31/7

A better week in terms of habits, including a week-long streak of going to bed before 10.30pm. I thought I would have amazing energy levels (I don’t) and be super productive (I’m not). I suspect more sleep would help, but 10.30pm really is the latest I should be going to bed to give myself the best chance of getting 6.5 hours of sleep per night. Even though I have lots of things I want to do (both work and personal) after Ella goes to bed each evening, I suspect that I’ll get a similar result by going to bed as I would by pushing on into the late evening (related: I’ve been thinking about Derek Sivers’ bike riding story and how this applies to my current workload/stress levels). And somewhat ironically, I’m writing about the importance of going to bed at 10.30pm at 11.02pm, so I’ll wrap up for the week….

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, habits, sleep

Head & Heart – 17 July 2016

July 18, 2016 By Clare Leave a Comment

Sticking to my commitment of posting a quick weekly summary of what I’ve been doing/reading/thinking about…

  • I started reading How To Talk To Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. I’m not going to read this in one sitting, rather just read a few of the tips per week and try to find opportunities to practice them. This week I tried (when I remembered) to practice ‘Sticky Eyes’.
  • Prompted by Leigh Sales’ recommendation on Chat 10 Looks 3, I also started reading Man’s Search For Meaning. I suspect this will be a very thought-provoking read that I’ll need some time and space to reflect on.
  • Also inspired by another part of the discussion on Chat 10 Looks 3, I’ve been thinking about ego depletion (the idea that you have a limited amount of mental resources that can be used up). Of the three regular habits that I track and know are important for my physical and mental well being (meditation, sleep and active minutes) I feel that sleep is the most essential. When I’m fatigued I definitely suffer ‘ego depletion’ and make poor choices – particularly around the food that I eat. When I do feel rested I am more positive and more likely to make good choices and make the time to engage in the other key habits (meditation and exercise).
  • Habit tracking 11/7-17/7
    Habit tracking 11/7-17/7
  • On the topic of habits, I did slightly better this week with 11/27 habits achieved. Going to make bed before 10.30 the focus for next week which is going to be tricky. I’m starting full-time work and will be working 8-10 hours a week flexibly in the evenings. With a kid that usually doesn’t sleep before 8.00pm, I suspect that some late nights might be required, but I’m conscious that comes with a trade off in terms of mental wellbeing and focus.
  • I listened to Sarah Ferguson on No Filter where she discussed her book, The Killing Season Uncut. I loved the book and it prompted many reflections and insights about leadership, communication and human behaviours (which I’ll capture in a blog post one day!).
  • I put in place some improved organisation (particularly around my work schedule). I’ve been trialling the Self Journal approach. I’m not convinced that the entire thing is for me, but scheduling out your day in advance (with no blank spots) does definitely help with productivity as it eliminated the ‘what should I do know?’ decision fatigue and means that the priority activities are a focus. I also tidied my work desk and got to ‘inbox zero’ which have made me feel (possibly only temporarily) more in control and organised.
  • A bitterly cold windy week (with snow on Wednesday) ended up with a lovely sunny weekend. Having the weather extremes back to back did make me notice how much my mental health and weather/sunshine are connected.

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, habits, podcasts, sleep

Head & Heart – January 2016

February 29, 2016 By Clare Leave a Comment

Figure that I better this post up given that it’s basically an entire month late! I wrote it a couple of weeks ago but it’s just been sitting in my drafts. Not sure why I’ve been putting off pressing ‘publish’ on this one….

I’m writing this from bed, home from work, sick again. I feel like we’ve been hit by minor illnesses more than usual over the last couple of months (and I suspect that’s just comes with having a 2 year old). My default reaction is to feel miserable, frustrated at my body, stressed about all the things that I’m not doing while sick, and pissed off (‘why is this happening to me again?’). However, I’ve just finished listening to Buddhism for Parents on the Go (audiobook), so this time I’m trying to be kinder to myself and more accepting and to remember that illness and injury is going happen. While my body is feeling pain and fatigue, it’s my mind that adds the suffering. I’m still feeling pretty crappy and miserable, but it’s certainly helping me to feel less burdened by the illness.

Anyway, on to my Head & Heart post for January….

What I’ve been doing

  • Getting back into daily journalling /keeping a log book using the DayOne app
  • Building and tracking daily habits to improve my wellbeing using the Way of Life app (thanks to Kevin Rose’s recommendation on a recent episode of the Tim Ferriss podcast)
  • Released a new Women Talk Work interview with digital entrepreneur and wonderful human Mik Jade
  • Chatted about Women Talk Work with Lee Constable on her 2XXFM show/Soapbox podcast
  • Having a new year clean out/de-clutter and finally Konmari-ing our clothes
  • Supporting E to adjust to a new daycare centre (we tried one, and we’ve changed to another). She seems to be doing well and I suspect that it’s more stressful for me than for her!

I’m grateful for

A few random things I’ve found myself feeling grateful for this month:

  • Public libraries
  • Home grown spinach, tomatoes and herbs
  • Air conditioning
  • Long walks in my beautiful city

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Head and Heart, Journal Tagged With: books, habits, podcasts

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