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Thoughts and other writings by Clare Conroy

Head & Heart – August 2015

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August was a bit of a blergh month. Nothing major, but I was sick and certain things just felt like they fell off the rails a bit – I stopped meditating, stopped tracking my budget/expenditure and hardly did any exercise. But I guess sometimes you need these kinds of down periods of time to really notice and appreciate what a positive impact certain activities actually have on your physical and mental well-being. But in the true spirit of Head & Heart – “a monthly capture of my feelings and doings, in the raw.” – here is August’s instalment…

What I’ve been doing

  • Being sick… again. Colds (and then secondary sinus infections) bought home from daycare are really not much fun.
  • I went to Adelaide for the YWCA Adelaide She Leads Conference – which was great! I took away some great ideas for our Canberra event.
  • An example of the excitement my 8.36pm photos tend to capture - this one from 24 August!
    An example of the excitement my 8.36pm photos tend to capture – this one from 24 August!

    I’ve re-started taking photos at 8.36pm. This is a project I started back in September 2009 (inspired by Buster Benson). I’ve started and stopped a few times (with a long break between April 2014 and August 2015), but so far I’ve taken 797 photos (37% of days since starting). I love the unfiltered ordinariness that this project captures and it’s role as a kind of digital time-capsule of my life. The photos are generally very boring – I’m most often involved in some kind of domestic pursuit (packing lunch boxes, ironing, trying to get my kid to sleep) or working at that time. But as boring as they seem at the time, I still find it fascinating to look back at what’s changed (and what hasn’t). Buster’s project is a public one, but after doing it for a while I’ve decided that my 8.36pm photos are primarily for me (my future me), and so most photos are just posted to Flickr privately.

I’m grateful for

  • Mum coming to visit us in Canberra. Not only am I grateful for having an extra set of hands to help with the toddler-wrangling, but I’m super grateful for the time E gets to spend with her Grandma. I have such fond memories of spending time as a child with my own grandmother and I’m sure E is collecting some great memories too. It’s 3 years this month since my Grandma passed away, so perhaps that’s making me particularly reflective. E would have made her laugh so much!

I’ve been thinking about

  • Writing (and in particular, blogging) as a method to discover your own opinions and beliefs about a certain topic.
  • My diet – and how it is impacting on my physical and mental health, and wondering what I can do (diet-wise) to improve my immunity and potentially reduce the frequency of colds.
  • Turning 35. It was my birthday this month and it got me thinking about what I want the next 35 years of my life to look like.

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Head & Heart – July 2015

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Head & Heart is designed to be “a monthly capture of my feelings and doings, in the raw.” 

What I’ve been doing

  • Finally getting around to doing/finishing my Cert IV in Training & Assessment (thanks to work supporting/sponsoring my participation on a course).
  • Meditating. After last month’s thoughts on why I don’t meditate more, this month I’ve committed to doing it and it’s feeling great! Key things that are helping me integrate it into my day and start to develop a semi-regular practice – the Calm app (I completed the free 7 days of calm course and have now signed up for an annual subscription), and making time (it only takes 10 minutes) to meditate earlier in the evening rather than waiting until all my to-dos are done (which of course they never are)!
  • Exercising. Another thing that I’ve prioritised this month is getting out for some regular exercise. I’ve realised that no-one is going to magically create time for me to exercise, so I need to carve it out. I haven’t been walking far or fast, but regularly getting out a few times a week for 30 mins is better than what I was managing before. Jason and I have also started a block of personal training sessions with Simon Le. Jason and I used to do training together many years ago, and I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed that. We managed to find a little window of time on our lunch break one day a week when Ella is in daycare, so we’ve decided that doing PT will be our weekly ‘date’. We’ll invest the $$ we might otherwise occasionally spend on dinner and babysitter on getting physically (and mentally) healthier together.
  • Practice recording for the Women Talk Work podcast. I’m still way behind where I hoped I’d be, but this month I’ve been doing a bit of practice recording/editing, just playing around with microphone technique and the basics of recording and editing in GarageBand.
Ella turns 2!
Ella turns 2!

I’m grateful for

  • The wonderful people in our life that love and care for Ella. She turned 2 this month and her birthday (and the gifts and cards that she received) was a lovely reminder of all the great people in her/our life.

I’ve been thinking about

  • Being my best me. More specifically, I’ve been thinking about how I can flip my thinking to stop focusing on the ways in which Ella/being a parent prevents me from being my ‘best me’ – like finding it difficult to get time to exercise, getting enough sleep, spending quality time with friends etc – and instead focus on how I can be the ‘best me’ in the moment, whatever and whenever that moment is (including at 2am with a sleepless toddler). I’ve also being trying to think about all the benefits I do get from being a parent (rather than the things I’ve ‘lost’) – like learning patience, creativity, thinking on my feet, being less self-conscious etc.
  • My addiction to sugar. I’m becoming increasingly aware of the ways my body reacts to sugar – particularly in my skin, and also my sinuses (that might sound weird and maybe it’s just a coincidence, I haven’t investigated the link properly) – but yet I still consume more than I’d like to and struggle to cut back/eliminate despite knowing that it would most likely make me feel much better.

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Head & Heart – June 2015

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Head & Heart is designed to be “a monthly capture of my feelings and doings, in the raw.” 

What I’ve been doing

  • I mentioned it briefly in last month’s post, but this month started with a trip to Adelaide to do a Executive Certificate in Event Management.
  • I’m also super excited to have commenced in a permanent part-time position at YWCA Canberra as the newly created Leadership Programs Manager. I’ll be managing and trying to grow the range of great women’s leadership development initiatives under the SheLeads brand.
  • A message from one of my aunties via Ancestry.com got me interested in delving into more details of my family tree. I tend to do my family tree research in bursts – mainly because I only want to pay for Ancestry.com premium access for a month at a time and try to get maximum value out of it! In this recent round of research I discovered a few new interesting facts… My 2nd great-grandfather, Robert McDonald, was the keeper of the Gladstone Gaol in South Australia for over 20 years in the early 1900s. My 3rd great-grandfather, John Tortoise, built and was the first publican of the Western Hotel in Port Augusta.
Sunny Canberra winter days
Sunny Canberra winter days

I’m grateful for

  • Sunny Canberra winter days. Even when it’s freezing outside, being able to see the sun is such a delight.
  • My brother Neale coming to stay at short notice to help me out with caring for E while J was away for a couple of weeks.

I’ve been thinking about

  • Meditation, and why I don’t do it! Reading 10% Happier (see below) really highlighted so many of the benefits of meditation (many of which I was aware of) and I can see how a regular meditation practice would be a valuable thing to do. But for whatever reason, I’ve never been able to get into the habit of meditating regularly – perhaps it’s the difficultly in finding a time/space where I know I won’t be interrupted for 5 minutes, or the belief that I need to finish all of the other things on my to-do list first before I can sit down and take a few minutes for myself.
  •  June marked one full year of using You Need a Budget (YNAB) – the longest period that I’ve ever stuck with any kind of expenditure tracking/budget program – so I’ve been thinking about the impact that it has had. I won’t delve too deeply into money stuff (and all my associated money hang-ups) here, but while I can’t credit YNAB with magically transforming our spending habits or financial position, it’s helped me to get my ‘head out of the sand’ and as a result feel more in control and less anxious about where our money is going and ensuring that all our major commitments will be met.

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Head & Heart – May 2015

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She Leads 2015. Photo credit: YWCA Canberra
She Leads 2015. Photo credit: YWCA Canberra

Head & Heart is designed to be “a monthly capture of my feelings and doings, in the raw.” This month’s instalment is a little late (my primary excuse is related to toddler sleep (or rather lack thereof))…

What I’ve been doing

  • May has been a massive month… I’ve:
  • I also completed my #100happydays photo project (most of the photos are on Instagram and Flickr). It was interesting to notice and be actively seeking out happy moments each day, and it reminded me that even on days that I might not rate as ‘good’ or ‘happy’ overall, there are still small things to smile about and be grateful for.
  • I’ve also been doing a bit of ‘life admin’, which has involved declaring Pocket bankruptcy and deleting over 2200 items in my to-read list. While I feel a little anxious about what awesome articles, posts, videos I may never read again, there was no way I was ever going to get through the 2000+ items.

I’m grateful for

  • The fabulous contribution that so many people made to the She Leads conferences. In particular, the amazing women who stood on the She Leads stage (and who shared their stories and advice with so much generosity, authenticity and vulnerability), and the awesome team that I work with at YWCA Canberra. Working on events (including TEDxCanberra) I really get to experience what real teamwork looks and feels like. As a public servant, most of the collaborative work I did involved pieces of work passing from one person to the next in a linear way. Events provide this fabulous (often fairly stressful) focal point where everyone needs to come together to do their bit, and support each other to to theirs.
  • The flexibility we have with our work / child care arrangements. I still feel like we have a fair amount of stress in our lives trying to do the juggle, but nowhere near as much as we’d have if we didn’t have this flexibility. With Jason and I working from home, good childcare just minutes up the road, and a lovely babysitter, I feel like we manage what we need to do at work, and are still able to easily be together at 5.15pm to eat dinner! As my work ramped up this month, Jason was able to take on more of the childcare without needing to negotiate time off or put in place any complex logistical arrangements.

I’ve been thinking about

  • Self-care, and how I can practice this better. By the time the She Leads Conference rolled around I had caught a cold, wasn’t sleeping much (with a toddler, that’s mostly not my fault!) or eating terribly well, and I could feel how physically stiff and tight my body was (from too many nights at a computer desk and not enough moving my body). On a related note, this month is 6 years since I first started personal training with Rose Males, and I remember her saying at our first meeting, ‘if you don’t look after yourself, you can’t look after anyone else’. I need to get better at finding simple ways (that don’t take up a lot of time) to ensure that I’m taking care of my body and mind.
  • Motherhood. Speaking at the Feminartsy Story Share forced me to analyse, sort and articulate some of my muddled thoughts about being a mum. I spend so much time in my head thinking about mum-related stuff, but rarely do I actually have to share these thoughts! At the Story Share I briefly met Joan Garvan who spoke about motherhood as a relationship rather than a role. I often think of being a mum as a ‘job’ – probably because it essentially replaced my paid employment and because it involves a lot of job-like tasks and obligations, but I know it’s easy to get hung up on job ‘performance’. Thinking about it as a ‘relationship’ seems to be less stressful as it allows for change and growth over time, and obviously involves (at least) two contributing parties. It also seems to provide a useful perspective at times where I’m not sure what to do – instead of asking ‘what is the correct thing to do?’, I can ask ‘how can I strengthen our relationship?’. I feel calmer, more compassionate and connected as a result.

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Head & Heart – April 2015

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I’ve been following Chisa’s Head & Heart posts for a few months, and thought they provide a really nice framework for a regular reflection practice. So this month I’ve decided to jump in and have a go too!

Head & Heart is designed to be “a monthly capture of my feelings and doings, in the raw.” [Check out the details about the Head & Heart project over on Lime Tree Bower]

I’m grateful for

  • The time E gets to spend with my mum. Mum came over at the start of April to look after E while Jason and I went to Sydney for our wedding anniversary. The two of them have such a lovely time together and I know how precious it is. It makes me think about the wonderful time I had with my grandmother as a young girl, and wish that she could have got to meet E. They would have made each other so happy.

I’ve been thinking about

  • Saying ‘sorry’. E went through a little phase of apologising a lot and noticing this has made me reflect on how much I say ‘sorry’ in my everyday life. I also read this piece – I’m Not Sorry – which has got me thinking about being more intentional with my apologies!
  • My slow progress on my decluttering/minimalism journey. Since reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up I feel so much more conscious of our clutter and frustrated by how slow I’ve been to achieve my vision for a decluttered space. But little wins do bring joy – like creating a special space for our keys/wallets/phones. It has definitely cut down on the number of frustrating ‘where are my keys?’ (or more often ‘where did you put the keys?’) comments and demonstrates the value of the ‘having a place of everything’ approach.
  • Supporting roles. This tweet from Austin Kleon got me thinking about them in the context of my life/work. I feel like I naturally gravitate to supporting roles and they’re often the roles that make use of my strengths, but sometimes I struggle to see the value of supporting roles and wonder if I should be striving for a ‘main part’.

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