Webby Clare

Thoughts and other writings by Clare Conroy

Head & Heart – 8 December 2016

By 1 Comment

It’s been over 3 months between Head & Heart posts! The short story (excuse?) is that work and life got on top of me, and I was questioning/doubting the impact that some of the regular habits/practices (including these posts) were having on my life. There’s been a fair bit of change over the last 3 months – including resigning from my job to take a break, revaluate priorities, and recalibrate a little – and I’m certainly not going to even attempt to catch up on 3 months worth of thinking/learning/reading/listening in this post!

As well as determining that writing (and later re-reading) these posts is in fact a valuable practice for me, it turns out that there a few people who actually read these posts and find them useful or interesting, so it’s definitely something that I intend to get back to doing more regularly.

Pausing for a moment to ponder why I give spending time in front of screens such priority in my life, when this is what actually makes my body, spirit and mind come alive.
Pausing for a moment to ponder why I give spending time in front of screens such priority in my life, when this is what actually makes my body, spirit and mind come alive.

Related to the above comment about resigning and recalibrating, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reading about burnout. Articles/resources that particularly resonated with me included:

Since I last posted, I’ve finished a few books (and started and abandoned quite a few more):

  • Deep Work*
  • Unconditional Parenting* (like most parenting books, this one caused me some initial ‘oh my god, I’m doing it all wrong’ anxiety, but with some time to let the thoughts settle I’ve taken some strategies/approaches from the book that I think will work for us, and am ok about leaving the rest! One of the things that I’m consciously trying to do is give E more opportunities to exercise control (trying to say ‘no’ less – especially where it doesn’t really matter) and really listen to her without rushing or interrupting.
  • All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood* (for a summary of some of the key insights from the book, check out Jennifer Senior’s TED talk)
  • Designing Your Life*

Some posts that I thought were worth bookmarking/sharing:

I’m super late to the party (in fact I think the party is well and truly over), but I finally watched Making a Murderer. It’s a bit of a joke in my family about how I can’t handle mistaken identity/wrongful conviction movies – I find them so distressing that I feel physically uncomfortable (watching The Fugitive practically causes a panic attack!) – so I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with this. I’ve read some of the criticism online about the potential bias of the filmmakers in selecting what to show in the documentary, but regardless, I do think it raises really important issues around the level of unquestioned trust and confidence society places in law enforcement agencies, and the significant disadvantage that poor and less educated people have when it comes to navigating the legal system. Alec Baldwin’s Here’s The Thing interview with defence lawyer Dean Strang is worth a listen for anyone who watched the series.

As for podcasts, Longform and Hidden Brain (a recent discovery) episodes have featured heavily on my playlist. I also enjoyed Carly Findlay’s interview on the Osher Gunsberg podcast. Carly is awesome and I’ve been lucky enough to work with her on a couple of She Leads events, and I think it was actually through Carly’s blog that I first discovered Osher’s podcast.

This post, ‘How getting rid of ‘stuff’ saved my motherhood’, has re-inspired me to cull our own stuff, maintain a more organised, simple home and be more conscious about what we keep and let in to our space. It’s probably a subject for a separate, longer post but since E came into our lives we’ve experienced new demands/constraints on our finances, time and space – which has forced us to be more intentional about how we use our resources in all of these areas. I’ve still got a long way to go, but so far I’ve used some of my current period of unemployment to cull and tidy a few of our main living spaces/storage areas and I feel lighter and less overwhelmed as a result. Now the challenge is to maintain relatively organised spaces and avoid letting clutter back in. Rather than get caught in this cycle of tidying up / mess / tidying up / mess etc I’m trying to take more of a design thinking approach and really study why and how our spaces get cluttered and messy and try to put in place solutions to resolve these (rather than just dealing with the symptoms).

Toys and trinkets that E collects feel like a big source of the clutter in our home, so Christmas (as well as birthdays) can often see a new influx of stuff into our home thanks to extremely generous family! The Minimalists recent podcast episode on giftgiving had some useful ideas for a more intentional approach to giftgiving.

Head & Heart are approximately fortnightly posts about what I’ve been reading, watching and thinking about – things I thought were interesting, and that you might find interesting too.

* These are Amazon Affiliate links.

Head & Heart – 2 September 2016

By 2 Comments

Over the last week or so, I’ve tried to practice more conscious consumption of information. I have a love of learning and it’s easy for me to spend hours listening to podcasts, reading blog posts, and following endless internet rabbit holes. However, I’ve noticed how little of this information I actually retain, and even less is translated into some action in my life. As Derek Sivers said, ‘if information was the answer then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs’.

So, what I’m trying to do is commit to not consuming anything without also producing. This doesn’t have to be something significant or public. It can just be a couple of notes in my DayOne journal. Already I’m noticing how it’s made me more selective in what I consume, and I consume less. I guess it’s like making a deal where every time you eat a biscuit or cake you have to do 10 pushups – it makes you ask yourself, is this cake worth the work I’ll have to do. And doing the work seems to make the consumption feel more worthwhile.

One of the best things I’ve read on the internet lately was Asher Wolf’s ‘Fuck You, I’d Spit in Your Cupcakes‘ and it definitely got me fired up on Monday morning. Becoming a mother has affected my sense of self and my thoughts on feminism and so I very much enjoy reading about other women’s experiences.

Several late nights unable to sleep with a nice viral cough provided the opportunity for binge watching the fabulous You Can’t Ask That on iView.

Cats!
Cats!

The other thing I’ve been watching quite a bit this week is clips from Cats the Musical. E loves drama and dancing so I thought she’d enjoy these and I was right. I have very fond memories of seeing it as an 8 year old when the production toured Australia for the first time, so it was fun to share it with her.

I learned that the French have a term for the predicament of thinking the perfect reply too late – ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’ (staircase wit).

This post about attempting to go for 21 days without complaining got me noticing just how much complaining I do! I have too many ‘challenges’ on the go (habits, #100happydays etc) that I’m failing to keep up so am not going to start this challenge right away, but it is something I’m interested in trying.

When I’m sick I’m particularly conscious of practising more self-compassion, and I think that’s the reason that this week I sought out Tara Brach (I started reading Radical Acceptance*) and Brene Brown (I re-listened to her interview on the Tim Ferriss show).

I went and saw Annabel Crabb & Leigh Sales at the Canberra Writer’s Festival last week which was delightful. And this was followed up by a new Chat 10 Looks 3 episode, which always puts a smile on my face.

We’ve had some pretty challenging episodes with E recently. I suspect that it’s just ‘being three years old’, but I could do with whatever help I can get, so I’ve also started reading Janet Lansbury’s No Bad Kids – Toddler Discipline without Shame*.

Last week was Book Week and I’m super grateful for my mum making a gorgeous Gumnut baby costume for E. She also made a Princess Leia costume (which was E’s original request). Yay for amazingly talented family!

Head & Heart are approximately fortnightly posts about what I’ve been reading, watching and thinking about – things I thought were interesting, and that you might find interesting too.

* These are Amazon Affiliate links.

Head and Heart – 21 August 2016

By Leave a Comment

I didn’t post last weekend, so this is almost two weeks worth of thinking, reading, listening and watching….

A recent conflict prompted me to reflect and write about the pebble and the pond.

As a parent of a young child, sleep is still an irrational obsession of mine. Karen Hitchcock has a great piece in The Monthly on ‘precious sleep’. Somewhat related, I also enjoyed this post on why we need more time and less clothes. This Brain Pickings post on the psychology of your future self and how your present illusions hinder your future happiness had my brain whirring for hours afterwards.

Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite
Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite

I randomly picked up Paul Arden’s Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite* off the bookshelf one evening last week. I love the simplicity and how it shifts my perspective. This sentence particularly struck me “The problem with making sensible decisions is that so is everyone else.” It reminds me of one of my favourite Seth Godin quotes (from Linchpin* I think) “You can fit in or stand out. Not both.”

Coordinating a workshop on emotional intelligence and communication with a new facilitator provided the opportunity for new learning about people styles and the Johari window.

I watched the Tony Robbins’ documentary ‘I Am Not Your Guru’ on Netflix. It was super interesting to see what a Tony Robbins event is like and the way in which he is very skilled at reading and connecting with people. I just wish it had more ‘behind the scenes’ to explore what really drives Tony and his team.

Every year Timehop reminds me of Ben Pieratt’s great post – ‘In Praise of Quitting Your Job‘ – and it’s so worth revisiting annually. So much of what he says about the challenges of creative work and motivation resonate with me and it makes me feel like some of the struggles I have with my work aren’t unique. [Note to any of my colleagues reading this post, I’m not actually seriously contemplating quitting my job right now!]

Another worthwhile read was this post on why you should stop spending so much time in your head. My internal monologue has felt louder and more incessant than usual lately, so this was a good reminder!

Habit tracking (sleep, meditation, active minutes) has been ok this fortnight but has fallen off a little toward the end of the week. I’ve been re-evaluating the important of these habits (and the process of tracking and reporting on them) this week and will post an update in the next Head & Heart.

* These are Amazon Affiliate links.

Head & Heart – 7 August 2016

By Leave a Comment

Head & Heart is a (now) weekly, quick and rough wrap-up of what I’ve been thinking about, listening to, reading etc. A few days late, but here’s my post from last week…

I started the week with a meeting with my lovely friend Amanda Horne. Amanda often speaks about words that emerge for her at a particular time. Kind of like themes that connect a whole heap of thinking, feeling and happenings. It’s not so much about picking a word to think about or meditate on, but rather stopping and listening and seeing which word bubbles to the surface. This week, for me it was the word ‘ask’ (prompted in part I suspect by #5 in Nick Crocker’s list of ’30 Things I’ve Learned’ that I linked to last week). I’m trying to be more aware of what I actually want (without dismissing it without it really entering conscious thought), and putting that out into the world.

I finished Helen Garner’s The Spare Room (audiobook) and am now onto Liane Moriaty’s The Husband’s Secret. Three novels in just over a month! I wouldn’t quite call it a rule, but up until recently I’d just tell people ‘I don’t read fiction’. It’s not that I didn’t like fiction, I just had so much that I wanted to learn that I didn’t think I had time to read fiction. I saw reading fiction as purely recreational and not as valuable use of time as reading non-fiction. But fiction works my brain in a different way. I’m so used to information being presented to me in a factual, logical way, it’s nice to experience narrative storytelling where information is presented in a way to generate an emotional response from the listener. I’m not sure quite what I’m learning, but I’m sure that it’s using different parts of my brain which must be a good thing.

But I still had time to get my dose of non fiction podcasts, listening to a Dear Sugar Radio episode on introversion and extroversion, an interview with Kathryn Schultz on Longform, and Jane Caro’s chat with Wil Anderson on Wilosophy.

Time alone in the car is rare for me, but when it happens I usually do is listen to Radio National. I really love being surprised by the stories. I curate my inputs so heavily and I often feel like it’s a bit of an echo chamber – the stuff I seek out – books, podcasts etc – is often people whose views I know and share, or on topics that I have an established interest in. It’s nice not to know what’s coming up and to learn something new. This week I learned that one third of customers steal when using self serve checkouts, and about Reposit Power, a Canberra company that makes smart batteries.

I’ve started a new Coursera course on Psychology at Work (from the University of Western Australia) which I’m enjoying so far. I’ve long had an interest in doing some further study – particularly in organisational psychology, management/leadership. Having no psychology training, this is a good way to tip my toe in and see if it is actually something I enjoy, rather than just something that I think I’ll enjoy.

Habit tracking 1/8-7/8. Notice the 'Jac effect'!
Habit tracking 1/8-7/8. Notice the ‘Jac effect’!

I stumbled across (via Shawn Achor) the delightful Seize Your Moments project.

What started off as a very poor week in terms of habits, turned around from Friday onwards. Things bottomed out a bit of Thursday (and involved more tears than I normally would like!), but sometimes it takes things to crack a bit before you actually pay attention and do something about it. Reflecting with my friend Jac over dinner on Thursday led me to the conclusion that nothing (except physically attending to my daughter’s immediate needs) is more important than my three key habits (30 active minutes, 5+ minutes of meditation and bed before 10.30pm). As a result, things have turned around considerably and I’m still on streaks for all three habits (I’ll call this the ‘Jac effect’).

Head & Heart – 31 July 2016

By 1 Comment

We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.

This week I finished Man’s Search for Meaning. I’m not sure quite what to say about it (am still making sense of it all), except that it was very good for getting some new perspective on issues and anxieties in my life. I especially like the re-framing of the quest for meaning (see above).

Listening to The Rosie Project has made me realise how nice it is to read fiction, and I think fiction audiobooks work well for me. They provide a bit of an escape and I don’t need to take notes/make highlights in the way that I do with non-fiction books. This week I started Helen Garner’s The Spare Room (borrowed from the public library via the BorrowBox app).

This piece on how one mum used advice from Adam Grant’s Originals to start conversations with her kids about values was great. Ella is just getting into Star Wars at the moment, so the dialogue depicted in the comics also made me laugh out loud.

It’s a couple of years old, but I came across Nick Crocker’s list of 30 things he’d learned which resonated strongly with me. Many of these things (particularly 3, 16 and 19) I’ve also found myself thinking about regularly. Others were good reminders/prompts – especially number 5 (‘most people never ask for what they want’).

I enjoyed listening to Cal Newport talk about his book, ‘Deep Work’ on the Accidental Creative podcast. Cal argues that deep work is a skill (not a habit, ie. it needs to be consciously developed) that is becoming more and more rare, but increasingly valuable (“focus is the new IQ”). Lately I’ve been thinking about how I better balance the creative and the administrative parts of my work and how I can make the best impact in my job. ‘Deep Work‘ has been bumped up toward the top of my ‘to read’ list.

Timehop reminded me of this article (and the photo that accompanied the story in the print edition of the SMH) about a group of Israeli women who smuggled some Palestinian women to the beach for the day because they’d never had the opportunity to see the sea. I love so much about this story and what it says about the beauty and power of women supporting other women. The joy and love and support that the photo shows brings a smile to my face and makes me feel a little bit more hopeful about the future of humanity.

Habit tracking 25/7-31/7
Habit tracking 25/7-31/7

A better week in terms of habits, including a week-long streak of going to bed before 10.30pm. I thought I would have amazing energy levels (I don’t) and be super productive (I’m not). I suspect more sleep would help, but 10.30pm really is the latest I should be going to bed to give myself the best chance of getting 6.5 hours of sleep per night. Even though I have lots of things I want to do (both work and personal) after Ella goes to bed each evening, I suspect that I’ll get a similar result by going to bed as I would by pushing on into the late evening (related: I’ve been thinking about Derek Sivers’ bike riding story and how this applies to my current workload/stress levels). And somewhat ironically, I’m writing about the importance of going to bed at 10.30pm at 11.02pm, so I’ll wrap up for the week….

Head & Heart – 24 July 2016

By Leave a Comment

Rough reflections and notes from this week (trying to keep these posts regular rather than beautiful!)…

  • I finished listening to the audiobook of The Rosie Project which was delightful and the first fiction book I’ve read in years. I borrowed it from the library via the BorrowBox app which is fantastic and allows you to borrow e-books and audiobooks directly to your phone for free. If you’re looking for new reading or listening material I highly recommend checking out whether your public library supports it.
  • Habit tracking 18/7-24/7
    Habit tracking 18/7-24/7

    It was the final class of the September 2015 intake of the She Leads Diploma. It was actually quite emotional to realise I won’t be seeing this group of women monthly anymore. It’s such a wonderful part of my job to get to know 18 amazing women and a real privilege to facilitate an experience of learning and deep reflection. Shameless plug – if you’re interested the Diploma, we’re enrolling now for the next intake commencing August 31.

  • I’m still making my way through Man’s Search for Meaning.
  • It’s always a delight to see a new Chat 10 Looks 3 episode in my Overcast playlist. Such a celebration of smart, funny female friendship that always makes me smile.
  • It was a shocking week in terms of habits (see pic). I’m somewhat embarrassed to put this here. Thinking about why I don’t do these things when I know how good they are for me. Am I just giving in to the ‘too busy’ BS, do I have some kind of self-sabotage going on?
  • Tony Schwartz’s Manage Your Energy Not Your Time is one of my favourite HBR pieces. I was surprised this week to discover the same Tony Schwartz authored Donald Trump’s 1987 autobiography, The Art of the Deal, a book which Schwartz now describes as ‘putting lipstick on a pig’.

Head & Heart – 17 July 2016

By Leave a Comment

Sticking to my commitment of posting a quick weekly summary of what I’ve been doing/reading/thinking about…

  • I started reading How To Talk To Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. I’m not going to read this in one sitting, rather just read a few of the tips per week and try to find opportunities to practice them. This week I tried (when I remembered) to practice ‘Sticky Eyes’.
  • Prompted by Leigh Sales’ recommendation on Chat 10 Looks 3, I also started reading Man’s Search For Meaning. I suspect this will be a very thought-provoking read that I’ll need some time and space to reflect on.
  • Also inspired by another part of the discussion on Chat 10 Looks 3, I’ve been thinking about ego depletion (the idea that you have a limited amount of mental resources that can be used up). Of the three regular habits that I track and know are important for my physical and mental well being (meditation, sleep and active minutes) I feel that sleep is the most essential. When I’m fatigued I definitely suffer ‘ego depletion’ and make poor choices – particularly around the food that I eat. When I do feel rested I am more positive and more likely to make good choices and make the time to engage in the other key habits (meditation and exercise).
    • Habit tracking 11/7-17/7
    Habit tracking 11/7-17/7
  • On the topic of habits, I did slightly better this week with 11/27 habits achieved. Going to make bed before 10.30 the focus for next week which is going to be tricky. I’m starting full-time work and will be working 8-10 hours a week flexibly in the evenings. With a kid that usually doesn’t sleep before 8.00pm, I suspect that some late nights might be required, but I’m conscious that comes with a trade off in terms of mental wellbeing and focus.
  • I listened to Sarah Ferguson on No Filter where she discussed her book, The Killing Season Uncut. I loved the book and it prompted many reflections and insights about leadership, communication and human behaviours (which I’ll capture in a blog post one day!).
  • I put in place some improved organisation (particularly around my work schedule). I’ve been trialling the Self Journal approach. I’m not convinced that the entire thing is for me, but scheduling out your day in advance (with no blank spots) does definitely help with productivity as it eliminated the ‘what should I do know?’ decision fatigue and means that the priority activities are a focus. I also tidied my work desk and got to ‘inbox zero’ which have made me feel (possibly only temporarily) more in control and organised.
  • A bitterly cold windy week (with snow on Wednesday) ended up with a lovely sunny weekend. Having the weather extremes back to back did make me notice how much my mental health and weather/sunshine are connected.