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Thoughts and other writings by Clare Conroy

Head & Heart #24

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A semi-regular capture of 3 things that have engaged my heart and/or heart…

1. Relationship vs transaction
I was talking with a friend last week about interpersonal interactions being motivated by either a desire to build a relationship or to complete a transaction. So I was surprised to hear these words – relationship and transaction – come up in the recent episode of the Dear Sugars podcast on saying no (with Oprah Winfrey). I believe that when the universe keeps unexpectedly throwing up certain words or phrases in front of you, it’s worth paying attention.

2. Deep work with deep responsibilties
In her email newsletter this week Laura Vanderkam asked can you do ‘deep work’ if you also have deep responsibilities? It captured some of the frustrations I had with Cal Newport’s Deep Work, which I love the idea of but struggle to see how it can be implemented in reality by people with lead parenting (or other primary caregiving) responsibilities – which are most often women. However, I like Laura’s suggestion that perhaps Deep Work can be achieved in smaller blocks or through ‘retreats’.

3. Drop the Ball
I also finished Tiffany Dufu’s Drop The Ball – a book for women about letting go at home. My friend Ruth wrote an excellent review of the book, and if you’re not inclined to spend the time or money to read the book but are still interested in the idea, I recommend listening to Tiffany’s interview on Jonathan Fields’s Good Life Project podcast.

Sticky Wisdom – Through or Around?

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#stickywisdom from Designing Your Life co-author Dave Evans on Jonathan Field’s Good Life Project podcast. Sometimes trying to change yourself isn’t worth the effort and it’s better to embrace your natural tendencies and work with/around them. It’s taken me a long time to realise that I need regular change and variety as well as flexibility in my work. Rather than beat myself up for consistently getting bored/burned out after 12-18 months, I’m going to acknowledge the ways in which I work best (and the ways that I don’t) and build a career based on freelance project and/or short-term contract based work.

Head & Heart – 2 September 2016

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Over the last week or so, I’ve tried to practice more conscious consumption of information. I have a love of learning and it’s easy for me to spend hours listening to podcasts, reading blog posts, and following endless internet rabbit holes. However, I’ve noticed how little of this information I actually retain, and even less is translated into some action in my life. As Derek Sivers said, ‘if information was the answer then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs’.

So, what I’m trying to do is commit to not consuming anything without also producing. This doesn’t have to be something significant or public. It can just be a couple of notes in my DayOne journal. Already I’m noticing how it’s made me more selective in what I consume, and I consume less. I guess it’s like making a deal where every time you eat a biscuit or cake you have to do 10 pushups – it makes you ask yourself, is this cake worth the work I’ll have to do. And doing the work seems to make the consumption feel more worthwhile.

One of the best things I’ve read on the internet lately was Asher Wolf’s ‘Fuck You, I’d Spit in Your Cupcakes‘ and it definitely got me fired up on Monday morning. Becoming a mother has affected my sense of self and my thoughts on feminism and so I very much enjoy reading about other women’s experiences.

Several late nights unable to sleep with a nice viral cough provided the opportunity for binge watching the fabulous You Can’t Ask That on iView.

Cats!
Cats!

The other thing I’ve been watching quite a bit this week is clips from Cats the Musical. E loves drama and dancing so I thought she’d enjoy these and I was right. I have very fond memories of seeing it as an 8 year old when the production toured Australia for the first time, so it was fun to share it with her.

I learned that the French have a term for the predicament of thinking the perfect reply too late – ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’ (staircase wit).

This post about attempting to go for 21 days without complaining got me noticing just how much complaining I do! I have too many ‘challenges’ on the go (habits, #100happydays etc) that I’m failing to keep up so am not going to start this challenge right away, but it is something I’m interested in trying.

When I’m sick I’m particularly conscious of practising more self-compassion, and I think that’s the reason that this week I sought out Tara Brach (I started reading Radical Acceptance*) and Brene Brown (I re-listened to her interview on the Tim Ferriss show).

I went and saw Annabel Crabb & Leigh Sales at the Canberra Writer’s Festival last week which was delightful. And this was followed up by a new Chat 10 Looks 3 episode, which always puts a smile on my face.

We’ve had some pretty challenging episodes with E recently. I suspect that it’s just ‘being three years old’, but I could do with whatever help I can get, so I’ve also started reading Janet Lansbury’s No Bad Kids – Toddler Discipline without Shame*.

Last week was Book Week and I’m super grateful for my mum making a gorgeous Gumnut baby costume for E. She also made a Princess Leia costume (which was E’s original request). Yay for amazingly talented family!

Head & Heart are approximately fortnightly posts about what I’ve been reading, watching and thinking about – things I thought were interesting, and that you might find interesting too.

* These are Amazon Affiliate links.

Head & Heart – 10 July 2016

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Once again I’ve found myself several months behind on my regular Head & Heart posts so I’ve decided to try something different. While I enjoy the practice of doing some reflection and documenting what I’ve been doing and thinking, I’m not sure the monthly timeframe is working for me. I feel like there is so much swirling around in my head that it’s hard to remember a month’s worth of content for each post and I feel some pressure (self-imposed) to make the post interesting, comprehensive and mostly coherent. It feels a bit counter intuitive that if I’m struggling to fulfil a commitment to post monthly then weekly might be easier, but I’m going to give it a go. I’ll also give myself permission to make these posts scrappier and less ‘complete’. The goal is here is building a regular practice rather than perfecting a writing craft.

IMG_6908
Habit tracking 4/7 – 10/7 (Not a great week – only 7/21 habits completed)

So, in no particular order, here are some of the things I’ve been doing, reading, listening to and thinking about this week…

  • My daughter Ella turned 3 on Monday. Birthdays are a significant reflection point, and I’ve found her birthdays to be quite emotional as I reflect on how becoming a mum has changed my life and how I see myself and the world.
  • Not enough exercise, meditation or sleep had me in a funk on Wednesday morning. One of those (thankfully rare) mornings where I’m feeling sad and unable to get out of bed. Staying in bed never helps though. Once I did eventually get up I spent some time clearing my head by mind-mapping (using MindNode – a recent purchase that I’m enjoying using) how I was feeling and why, the things that I know impact my mental health, the barriers to me doing the things that I know make me healthier, and ways to overcome those barriers. Getting it out of your head makes it seem less significant and more able to be actioned. I felt much better afterwards.
  • Jason and I went on a rare date to see the documentary Minimalism. It was good, but as I’ve been thinking and reading about minimalism for the past year or so, there wasn’t anything particularly new. But one of the most powerful things in it was a statement from author Patrick Rhode which was something like ‘the easiest way to deal with the overwhelm is just simply to turn it off’. This really struck me, particularly because I have been feeling quite stressed and overwhelmed lately. It made me think of a sink that’s full of water and about to overflow. Instead of trying to find ways to manage the water in the sink and keep it from overflowing, perhaps it’s easier (essential?) to first turn off the tap.
  • I finished reading The Coaching Habit. If you’re new to coaching or you’re a manager wanting to have better quality interactions it’s a good read.
  • Emi Kolawole’s post on learning how not to be angry was good and her thoughts and advice about how to look after one’s mental health resonated with me.
  • I did session 1 of the C25K program (using the Run5K app). Feeling excited to get back into running which I know is good for my mental and physical health.
  • I listened to Mia Freedman’s conversation with Natasha Stott Despoja on the No Filter podcast. Natasha made an interesting comment about multi-faceted women (specifically how difficult she thought the media/public/established political players found it to respond to a multi-faceted woman – someone who could be on the cover of a magazine AND have a serious policy debate on Lateline).
  • I’ll also include in these posts a screenshot from Way of Life of how I’ve gone with my 3 priority habits (bed before 10.30pm, meditate, 30 active minutes). This week wasn’t great. Only 1/3 completed. I reckon that it’s about 2/3+ that I need to be hitting to be functioning well and maintaining good energy and mental resilience.

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Head & Heart – November 2015

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My reflective wrap-up for the month of November….

What I’ve been doing

  • Recording, editing and posting a couple more interviews for the Women Talk Work podcast, including my chats with fashion entrepreneur Viv Mitchell, professional golfer Joanne Mills and executive coach Jacqueline Jago.Photobook
  • Working with my little bro Neale on an application for funding from the ACT Screen Arts Fund to develop a feature film story.
  • Many of my hours this month were consumed making a photobook of Ella’s first 2 years. This is something that I’ve wanted to do for ages. Although the software was relatively easy to use, it was a painful process to select and arrange the photos. Let’s hope that they were worth the effort!
  • Quarter 1 BAS was due this month, so I caught up on lots of scanning and filing and bookkeeping. Boring. But necessary. And better to just do it than have it hanging over my head.

I’m grateful for

  • This month we travelled to Bathurst to have an early Christmas celebration with Jason’s family. Being the only grandchild, Ella received lots of gifts and attention and I’m so grateful that she has such a loving extended family.
  • I’ve had a couple of blurgh periods this month where I’ve felt stretched and over-committed and so so tired. Often when I’m in these little funks, I find myself feeling grateful for the most basic things – supermarkets where you can buy all the food you need, hot water that just comes out of the tap when you turn it, a basic, but comfortable house that is our own space etc.

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Head & Heart – October 2015

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October already feels like a long time ago, so I’ll do my best to capture and reflect on the last month. Despite the usual delays in getting the posts up, I like the impact this monthly practice is having. I like that it forces me to take stock, to reflect and to document what I’ve been doing, thinking and feeling. The deliberate act of paying attention gives me insights into what fuels me and what drains me, and allows me to relatively quickly course-correct where needed.

What I’ve been doingWTW-artwork

  • The most significant achievement (and the one that has taken up much of my time in October) is (finally) recording, editing and publishing the first episodes of the Women Talk Work podcast.
  • I went to my first No Lights No Lycra (thanks to my friend Paulina).
  • Developing new course content for YWCA Canberra’s She Leads Diploma.
  • Writing emails to (future) Ella. I’ve been wanting to start a regular practice of writing letters to Ella (to be given to her at some point in the future) but never got around to it. I figured that a significant barrier was having to handwrite the letters, so instead I’ve set up a Gmail address for her and am sending her regular messages. The email format means that it’s quicker and easier to send short messages and there is no clutter!
  • I’ve started #another100happydays – a daily photo project capturing something or someone that made me happy. I enjoyed doing #100happydays so much earlier in the year, not just for the record it produced but also as a kind of daily gratitude and mindfulness practice.

I’m grateful for

  • Hayfever medication, especially because it’s the first time in 3 years I’m not pregnant or feeding and can actually take it!
  • Friends. This month I had a couple of great dinners with good girlfriends and some great phone chats with my dear friend Emily in Hobart. I love spending time with people that not only make me feel loved and valued but who help me to get greater clarity and insight about myself and the challenges/opportunities in my life.
  • I think I’ve posted this in a previous month, but being able to see the stars is often something I feel grateful for on my evening walks.
  • My job. On the morning of the latest She Leads Diploma class I woke up so grateful and kind of in (good) disbelief that I get to hang out with a group of awesome, smart, engaged women twice a month to talk leadership and to support them in their personal and professional development.

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