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Thoughts and other writings by Clare Conroy

What worked for me in 2018

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One of my favourite posts to write last year was a wrap up of what worked for me in 2017. This 2018 edition has been sitting in a half-completed draft form for weeks, and although the time for new year reflection has probably passed (now that we’re more than a full month into 2019!) I wanted to publish it anyway! Some of those things from 2017 (like journalling and decluttering) continued to be an important part of my life in 2018 and others dropped away (like the TV-ban for Ella!). Here’s what stood out as things that worked for me in 2018….

Walking E to school

We live a few hundred metres from the local primary school. When we bought our place I don’t think either of us imagined that we would be living there 10 years later, so proximity to schools wasn’t something on our radar. E started pre-school in 2018 and walking her to and from school was an unexpectedly delightful part of my week. It’s a short amount of uninterrupted time to connect and hold hands and have random conversations.

Taking a daily probiotic

I was quite sick in 2017 with persistent pneumonia and had more courses of antibiotics than I could count. While filling another prescription in late 2017, the pharmacy assistant recommended I take a probiotic. Perhaps it’s just a placebo effect, but I had no further chest infections in 2018 and largely avoided any significant colds.

A weekly reflective practice

In March 2018 my friend Emily and I started exchanging a weekly email based on a series of reflective question prompts (which were suggested to me by my friend Amanda (who has a similar regular email exchange practice)). The questions focus on what worked well, gratitude, and values and intentions. The simple act of asking (and answering) these questions makes me more alert to the good things in my life.

Meditating

I’ve gone through periods of meditating consistently in the past and always found it beneficial but I tended to let it go during periods when I was busy or stressed at work and actually needed it most. Since March 2018 I’ve had a pretty consistent practice – not every day – but something I do more often than not. And my meditation bar is pretty low – it’s typically just a 5 min guided meditation using the Calm app.

Returning to work

After the blur of maternity leave and sickness in 2017, I returned to work in 2018 doing more of the training, facilitation and coaching work I love. I am so grateful to have work that I enjoy and that energises me and has the flexibility that I need at this stage in my life. I look forward to going to work and I think it makes me a happier, (mentally) healthier mum and partner.

Splitting caring days with J

One of the things that helped the return to work was splitting care days with my husband, J. It’s much easier to leave the house to get to work when you don’t also have to stress about getting little people clothed, fed, cleaned up and to daycare/school at a certain time. It also helped me to reduce any tendency toward maternal gatekeeping and created the space for J and E to bond and develop their own little weekly rituals.

Running

I discovered I actually enjoyed running about 9 or so years ago and did it pretty consistently until E was born. Since then I’ve struggled to get back into it. But in 2018 I actually finished the C25K program and did a 5k fun run. Using a C25K app was great as I just did what the friendly voice told me to do – there was no thinking or planning required on my part, and slowly building up run/walk intervals helped to avoid any injury. I didn’t maintain the running in the second half of the year, so am starting again – with the goal of doing a 10k in 2019.

Cancelling our credit card and negotiating a better home loan rate

I read The Barefoot Investor back in 2017 but have been pretty slow to fully jump on board. In 2018 I took a couple of positive steps toward getting our financial s#*t sorted – cancelling our main credit card and negotiating a lower interest rate on our home loan. Related – Season 1 of The Pineapple Project podcast was also really good and prompted me to make a few other changes like buying more second hand clothes.

Completing a coaching certification

When I look back at old journal entries and angsty ‘what am I doing with my life?’ notebook scribbles, it’s clear now that coaching others (in an informal sense) has been something that’s provided much joy and energy in my work life, so I wonder why it took me so long to actually do some coach training? The IECL Level 1 course in February exceeded all my expectations. I learned so much – not only about coaching, but about myself, and about facilitating engaging training. This course has had a massive impact on my coaching practice and has provided the foundational skills and confidence to start coaching in a more formal capacity. What I wasn’t expecting was the significant impact the course would have on how I approach other close relationships in my life – I think I’m a better listener and better at maintaining ‘detached empathy’. On a related note, asking what rather than why has also been a beneficial habit to practice.

My favourite things

I’m continuing to try to declutter and be more intentional about ‘stuff’ but there were definitely a few ‘things’ that added value to my life in 2018.

  • AirPods – I’m not sure I would have bought a pair (they do look ridiculous) but J was gifted some which I subsequently appropriated. I’ve really enjoyed being able to listen to podcasts/books and to go running without being physically tethered to my phone.
  • A multi-cooker – Like many families, dinner time is stressful with kids/work/childcare pickups so having a cooked meal ready to go when you walk in the door is a lifesaver. The timer and the pressure cooker function on this one make it a big improvement over the old one I had. Several recipes from The Easiest Slow Cooker Book Ever are now staples in our house.
  • A fly swat – A bit of a random addition but I honestly have got a lot of use out of this since J bought one for me at the start of 2018. I hate flies, but I also hate spraying fly spray in our open plan kitchen/dining area.
    • A custom portrait from Able & Game is one of my favourite things!
  • A custom portrait from Able & Game – I have been coveting one of these for years. It makes me smile whenever I look at it.
  • A hot water bottle – This wasn’t a new acquisition in 2018, but just something I started using almost every night from April-October. Getting into a toasty warm bed is the best!
  • An insulated drink bottle – My old Camelbak leaked and annoyed me, so when I decided to upgrade in late 2018 I got an insulated bottle and it’s great. I got a Cheeki bottle and I’ve converted the whole family now too (they have ones from EcoCocoon).

What worked for me in 2017

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As I approached the end of 2017, the two things that stood out when looking back over the year were 1) Lincoln’s birth and the vortex of life with a newborn, and 2) illness (lots of it)! It seemed like a year of survival rather than flourishing or achieving, and honestly, by the end, I felt a little defeated and knocked around.

But I spent some time over the new year reviewing my journal entries and writing and reflecting, and I discovered that there was so much more to the year that I feel grateful for and want to remember. I love reading end-of-year wrap-up posts and particularly like the ‘what worked’ format from Modern Mrs Darcy. Although it’s now a full month past the end of the year, I still felt it was important to capture and to share, so here (in no particular order) is my list of what worked for me in 2017…

Banning TV for Ella

A one week TV ban back in late June was far and away one of the most positive parenting moves we’ve made, and seven months on the ban is still in effect. This change was motivated not by concerns for her development, but entirely by a self-interested desire to avoid the whinging and tantrums that went along with her wanting to watch ‘just one more?’! It worked!

Family gratitude practice

One of the advantages of J working from home is that we’ve always been able to do an early dinner as a family. Last year we started a practice of taking turns at dinner time to share something from the day that we’re grateful for. Dinner time is a challenging time of day – everyone is tired, hungry, feeling rushed and ready to get through the bath/bedtime routine – so this practice temporarily pulls us out of that mindset and forces us all to reflect on our day and find the good. It also feels important for me to set up small practices now that may help my kids’ mental health as they get older. Thanks to Kristen for recommending this!

Bushwalking

We didn’t do heaps of it in 2017, but Ella is now at an age where she is more capable of independently walking a few kilometres, so we did manage a few longer walks at Tidbinbilla. Walking in the bush makes me happy and relaxed, and with nothing else to do but walk and talk (no housework, meal prep etc) I find I’m a more present and engaged mum. I think this is another little practice that will be increasingly important for our relationship and mental health as she gets older, and I love developing a shared passion with her.

Buying a second car

In many ways (financial, environmental) I would like to have fewer cars, so I was a bit reluctant to include this in a list of what went well. We could have made do this year, but with the additional stresses and logistical complexity of a new family member, Jason and I could do without the potential source of stress and conflict in negotiating car use.

Small improvements to our home

In 2017 we did a few small things to improve our home. None were done cheaply (but they weren’t expensive major renovations either) – new dining chairs, a new back fence, replacing the back sliding door, a block out awning for our west-facing deck – but they added a lot of value to our lives. Spending money to make our home more enjoyable and comfortable feels like a worthwhile investment.

Midwife-led care for Lincoln’s birth

L was born through the Canberra Hospital’s Birth Centre program (as was E). I had another hugely positive experience and received excellent care from a wonderful midwife. I am so grateful for the access to this program and can’t recommend midwife-led care highly enough.

Decluttering and being more intentional about our ‘stuff’

Last year we transformed our spare room (junk room) into a guest bedroom where we accommodated family members for over four weeks, and then into a nursery for L. As our family has expanded, our home hasn’t, so it’s really prompted us to get rid of a lot. I’m far from my ideal decluttered home, but it’s a journey and we’re making progress. We’re also being much more intentional about toys and gifts for the kids and our families are getting on board too. For Christmas 2017 the kids got fewer toy gifts, and more practical or experience ones (a trip to the zoo, new sandals, a cupcake and movie date, a new lunchbox etc).

Journalling using Day One

I’ve been using Day One for a couple of years and it has certainly made it easier to maintain a regular journaling practice. Last year I upgraded to the subscription-based version – it’s one of the best things I’ve spent money on. I have several journals set up – including one for each of the kids. Having it always available makes it easy to just snap a photo, jot down a funny thing they say, or capture a few words to remind me of what we did on that day. The ‘on this day’ feature and the practice of re-reading and reviewed past entries is also something that I get more benefit from than I expected.

Lead Mama Lead book club

I’ve wanted to be in a book club for ages but never found one that read the kind of books I did – non-fiction, mainly psychology, management, and leadership. Joining the LML book club has been such a delight. I’ve read some books that I wouldn’t have otherwise, the act of discussing a book reinforces the learnings and deepens my reflection, and I have a regular time set aside to spend in authentic conversation with some wonderful women.

Getting a regular babysitter

Without family support in Canberra, I was much more realistic this time around that we’d need to pay for support. Having time away from the daily ins and outs of child care has helped me mentally and to maintain my sense of self. I believe it’s also valuable for my kids to interact with and be cared for by other trusted adults.

Standing up for myself and the people I love

I learned and forgot and re-learned this lesson several times over 2017! I pride myself on being an easy-going, low fuss kind of person and I hate feeling like I’m inconveniencing people or taking up too much of their time or resources. But in 2017, in some big and small ways, I had situations where I had to back myself and be really clear about what I, or my family, needed and wanted – telling my GP that I still wasn’t well and wanted further investigations, making a complaint at the hospital my mum was in and advocating for improvements to her care, getting Ella the help she needed from a more experienced swimming instructor. And every time I raised an issue or asked for additional support, things got better.

Although it may now feel like a distant memory, I’d love to know what worked well for you in 2017?!

Head & Heart #30

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I feel a bit like Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day at the moment – reliving an experience over and over until I’m finally able to reflect and learn some lesson. But instead of watching Punxsutawney Phil emerge from his hole, I just keep getting sick – over and over again!

In my quest to figure out the lesson, I’ve been thinking about ‘me’ and ‘my body’ and the connection (or lack thereof). I tend to think of my body as something that serves me – or that can fail me and let me down, and that something that is somehow separate from ‘me’. I don’t think that this is particularly uncommon. Just the way that we talk about someone’s relationship with their body implies some kind of distinction between the two. By definition, a ‘relationship’ requires a connection between two or more things. I’m not quite sure where this thinking will lead and I haven’t tied the ends together to make a neat and coherent answer, but I do wonder if I could be healthier and happier if I was able to integrate my body and physical health more with my sense of self.

When I’m sick I also do more mindless scrolling and Netflix viewing than reading, but I still found three things worth sharing this week…

1. Feed a cold, don’t starve it

Related to the above thinking about my physical health, I’ve also found myself asking ‘why?’. People who have worked with me will know that I’m always trying to analyse failures and improve systems/processes, so I’ve naturally being asking ‘what went wrong?, what could I have done to avoid this?’. It’s impossible to know for sure, but one of the possible answers I’ve come up with is sugar. In my subsequent Googling I came across this piece which reveals that glucose can dramatically impact the type of inflammation that different infections cause.

2. The great nutrient collapse

The increased light was making the algae grow faster, but they ended up containing fewer of the nutrients the zooplankton needed to thrive. By speeding up their growth, the researchers had essentially turned the algae into junk food. The zooplankton had plenty to eat, but their food was less nutritious, and so they were starving.

This is a long but fascinating (if rather depressing) read on the impact that increased carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere are having on plants and the potential implications of this for human health. It also makes me wonder how we can get more smart people to solve problems that matter.

3. A mother-daughter tradition worth sharing

Teenage girls now live in a world where reality is warped by Instagram filters and Photoshop, where friends look like models and models feel like friends. They exist in a society that values ‘likes’ and ‘comments’, ‘follows’ and ‘shares’, one where beauty is defined by brands that profit from your insecurity.

So what does all this have to do with hiking? Everything. Because hiking can dismantle it all.

Although E is only 4 I already feel a little anxious about how best to support her through the social/emotional challenges of being a teenager! In recent years I’ve been noticing more and more just how beneficial walking in nature is for my own mental health, and I’ve loved beginning to share the joy of bushwalking with her (the 800m Koala Path at Tidbinbilla is one of her favourites and manageable for little legs without too much complaint!). This piece makes me feel excited and optimistic about continuing to build on our little nature strolls.

Head & Heart – July 2015

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Head & Heart is designed to be “a monthly capture of my feelings and doings, in the raw.” 

What I’ve been doing

  • Finally getting around to doing/finishing my Cert IV in Training & Assessment (thanks to work supporting/sponsoring my participation on a course).
  • Meditating. After last month’s thoughts on why I don’t meditate more, this month I’ve committed to doing it and it’s feeling great! Key things that are helping me integrate it into my day and start to develop a semi-regular practice – the Calm app (I completed the free 7 days of calm course and have now signed up for an annual subscription), and making time (it only takes 10 minutes) to meditate earlier in the evening rather than waiting until all my to-dos are done (which of course they never are)!
  • Exercising. Another thing that I’ve prioritised this month is getting out for some regular exercise. I’ve realised that no-one is going to magically create time for me to exercise, so I need to carve it out. I haven’t been walking far or fast, but regularly getting out a few times a week for 30 mins is better than what I was managing before. Jason and I have also started a block of personal training sessions with Simon Le. Jason and I used to do training together many years ago, and I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed that. We managed to find a little window of time on our lunch break one day a week when Ella is in daycare, so we’ve decided that doing PT will be our weekly ‘date’. We’ll invest the $$ we might otherwise occasionally spend on dinner and babysitter on getting physically (and mentally) healthier together.
  • Practice recording for the Women Talk Work podcast. I’m still way behind where I hoped I’d be, but this month I’ve been doing a bit of practice recording/editing, just playing around with microphone technique and the basics of recording and editing in GarageBand.
Ella turns 2!
Ella turns 2!

I’m grateful for

  • The wonderful people in our life that love and care for Ella. She turned 2 this month and her birthday (and the gifts and cards that she received) was a lovely reminder of all the great people in her/our life.

I’ve been thinking about

  • Being my best me. More specifically, I’ve been thinking about how I can flip my thinking to stop focusing on the ways in which Ella/being a parent prevents me from being my ‘best me’ – like finding it difficult to get time to exercise, getting enough sleep, spending quality time with friends etc – and instead focus on how I can be the ‘best me’ in the moment, whatever and whenever that moment is (including at 2am with a sleepless toddler). I’ve also being trying to think about all the benefits I do get from being a parent (rather than the things I’ve ‘lost’) – like learning patience, creativity, thinking on my feet, being less self-conscious etc.
  • My addiction to sugar. I’m becoming increasingly aware of the ways my body reacts to sugar – particularly in my skin, and also my sinuses (that might sound weird and maybe it’s just a coincidence, I haven’t investigated the link properly) – but yet I still consume more than I’d like to and struggle to cut back/eliminate despite knowing that it would most likely make me feel much better.

[Read more…]

One year on…

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As part of this new blogging thing that I’m attempting (see my previous post), I’ve been thinking about topics for posts. Stuff that I have an opinion about. Stuff that I know about. Stuff that doesn’t cause any potential conflict of interest or issues (real or perceived) in my professional life. And one of the things I’ve come up with is exercise and weight loss. I’m not quite sure about how much detail about my personal journey I’ll want to get in to, but I’m going to start with a little celebration….

Today is one year to the day since I started personal training with the lovely Rose Males at Pro-fit Health Club. Twelve months ago I was overweight. And terribly unfit. We did a short session (maybe only 30 minutes) and I was lying down on the ground feeling ill after about 5 minutes on the bike! I left shaking and feeling nauseous. It was tough. But I kept going back. Week after week. And I began to enjoy it. I began to ‘need’ it. Twelve months on I am 13kg lighter. 2 dress sizes smaller. And a whole heap fitter, healthier and happier. Seriously one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel so much stronger (physically, mentally, emotionally) and more capable. Things that were once too hard or too much effort are now entirely possible!

I’ve learned lots – about myself, about exercise, about health, about routine and balance – and I may share much of that here from time to time. I’m pretty good at beating myself up about all sorts of things. But on reflecting about where I was and where I’ve come with my health, I’m actually feeling pretty proud. So today I’m just going to give myself a little pat on the back, a celebratory glass of wine, and send a big heartfelt thank you to Rose!